How to Bust Up an AA Group in Ten Easy Lessons

1. Seldom come to meetings. Whenever you do condescend to put in an appearance, always be late. Say to yourself, "What's the use of me being on time? The other guys are always late." Besides, you can always pull that old classic gag about having to change a tire.


2. On cold snowy meeting nights, say to yourself, "There won't be any body at the meeting anyway." And then lean back and turn on the radio.


3. In case you ever do come to a meeting, always find fault with any decisions that have been made, or any actions that have been taken by the group during your absence.


4. Never accept any office or responsibility. Try to realize that it is much easier to criticize what others have done than to do anything yourself.


5. If asked to give your opinion on any subject, be sure to have nothing to say. Always remember that a still tongue makes a wise head, and that if you keep silent long enough the other members will all think you are very profound.


6. In case you ever have anything to say, never express yourself during the meeting. Wait until the meeting is all over and then, in a loud bass voice, tell all the boys and girls how you would do it if you had anything to do with it.


7. Do nothing more than is necessary to make the group a success; but when others roll up their sleeves, and devote either time or money to the organization, howl like a Wyoming coyote about the outfit being run by a clique.


8. Be sure to let all the members know that you conferred a great favor upon them by joining the group in the first place. Try to give the impression that your membership lends prestige to the group.


9. In case hot dogs and coffee are served after the meeting, don't bother to stick around long enough to be sociable, and maybe wash up a few cups, or sweep up a couple of cigarette butts. The other members don't have to get up as early in the morning as you do, and besides, they are more used to such lowly chores.


10. In any kind of a disagreement or controversy, never wait to hear the other members' side of the story. Knowing both sides will only get you confused, and will interfere with your righteous judgment. Don't talk. Act. Just get up in disgust, and make an impressive exit. This will draw forth terrific applause from the audience, and will prove to all the other members that you are a great soul, a Man of Action, and not given to idle words.

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