As I Understood Him

I AM an alcoholic. I was once an atheist whether I knew it or not. I did not, could not, believe in God, as others told me I must or should, in any sense of the word. The more I pretended to believe the less I actually believed. I was a member of AA for quite a while before the last words of Step Three became illuminated: that I came to believe in God as I understood Him. The patience of my AA husband and other AA members was the turning point. I came to believe that "understanding God" was a solely personal matter between myself and God and that I could ask all the foolish questions I cared to without shocking anyone or disgusting them. I came to believe that what others said concerning God was not preaching and that I need not swallow it. They were only sharing their strength, experiences and hopes with me and I was free to agree or disagree as I saw fit, even though they meant it. Thus, they helped me to keep an open mind and to become "willing" to believe.