Once Over Lightly

YOU CAN'T WIN Department: A lady lush, who shall be forever anonymous, took on the boys down at the local pub for a beer-drinking contest. The beer came in "self-opening" cans, and the lady kept her score by slipping the "rings" of the pop-tops over her finger. One by one her competitors dropped out, leaving her the victor, fully loaded and with a grand collection of rings on her finger, rings that refused to come off. The result? A sodden and contrite lady at the emergency room of the hospital that night and, the next day, at home with a hangover and a sore finger.