Wenni, Weedi, Weeki! by Gordonius

Translator's Note: Quintus Vacuus Gordonius, so named for the Vth[1] of gin he habitually emptied into the vortex to appease the Furies, was born in the late second century after Carstairs. He was chief historian for the Drunkards during the turbulent era of the Second Alcoholic Progression (see Chronic Wars--selected writings of Delirius). His style is considered by most scholars as the apotheosis of alcoholic prose: vague, incoherent, verbose, redundant, and plagiaristic. Nowhere is this more evident than in the selection which follows. The alert reader will immediately be struck by its fragmentary nature. Do not be misled into attributing this to partial destruction of the manuscript in the course of time. It is simply characteristic of alcoholic writers to lose interest in their subject before they have come to the point.