Once Over Lightly

SOME-DAYS-You-Can't-Win Dept.: Our friend out in the weeds went to a party one night. As the evening wore on, he became tighter and tighter--and more and more determined not to show it. He spoke v.e.r.y c.a.r.e.f.u.l.l.y, and walked just so, and sat just so. Towards the shank of the evening, the hostess rolled out her newborn set of twins, who were up for their two-o'clock feeding. She showed them around, and our friend dutifully peered at them, analyzed his own well-advanced condition, reached the standard conclusion, and said confidently, "My, my, what a beautiful baby!"