Once Over Lightly

IN THE DEFINITELY UNTRUE DEPARTMENT we have the tale of the avid golfer-cum-drunk who arrived home eight hours late and said to his furious wife, "Look, honey, I'm lucky to be only eight hours late. On the way to Joe's house, I had a flat. The spare was flat, too, so I had to roll it three miles and back to get it fixed. Then, after I got Joe, we ran out of gas, and I had to walk two more miles to get some. Finally, after we got on the course, we had a long wait to start.