Carrying the Message

For several years before I came to AA, my drinking was an utterly horrifying experience, filled with melancholia, blackouts, guilt, remorse, suicidal fantasies. Over and over, I swore to quit forever, only to find the interval between drunks become shorter and shorter. Finally, the realization that I couldn't (still can't) drink and that I couldn't (still can't) quit drinking on my own willpower brought me to that first AA meeting.