Doing It on Your Own

1. Never drink before 8:00 AM. (The bars aren't open.)


2. Never drink after 4:00 AM. (The bars close at four.)


3. Never neglect to have a couple of snorts before arriving at a cocktail party, luncheon, or dinner. (Your host may be short of funds or slow.)


4. Never take your eyes off the line of supply. (There might be someone there more thirsty than yourself.)


5. Never forget to have an emergency supply for medicinal purposes hidden in an old coat pocket or in the tank of the WC.


6. Never leave a party while there's any liquor in the house.


7. Never leave without one for the road. (It may be a long, cold road.)


8. Never take any journey, long or short, without extra ammunition. (You may have to pass through some dry territory.)


9. Never depend on Grandmother or Aunt Mary. (It's better to control your own supply line in case of snakes, scorpions, tarantulas, cobras, or double-crossing relatives.)


10. Never keep your secret rum cache in the same place more than twice. (Your line may be tapped.)


11. Never allow your relatives or guests to overindulge. (This is a program for only you to control, a selfish program.)


12. Never admit to anyone that you are not always aware of all that goes on around you and in absolute control of your drinking. (Even if you are paralyzed.)


13. Never listen to AA.