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April 1976

Once Over Lightly

Sense and nonsense on the road to recovery

ON THE TOPIC of drinking at home: If you can't quit the stuff, why not start a saloon in your own house? Be your only customer, and you won't need a license. Give your wife $20 to buy a gallon of booze and pay her 50¢ a drink for it. In four days, when the gallon is gone, she'll have $44 to put in the bank and $20 to buy another gallon. If you stick it out for ten years before dying of the snakes, your wife will have $40,150 on deposit--enough to bury you decently, bring up your children, pay for the house, marry a guy who doesn't drink, and forget she ever knew you.

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