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October 1976

Easy But Hard

AA was just one paradox after another

A FEW MONTHS ago, if someone had said to me (and someone probably did), "Well, it's easy to stay sober, but it's hard," I would have scratched my head and wondered just what the person was talking about. Yet, in the last couple of weeks, I have found myself saying just that.

Yes, it was easy when I was in the hospital drying out, but it was hard when the time came to leave. It was easy that night when I shared a meeting with an AA friend, but it was hard the next day when I was alone. It was easy for a couple of days, but then I had to return to work, and that was hard. Then work became easy, because each night, as hard as it was, I got to a meeting. It was easy after twenty-nine nights to take a night off, but it was a hard night, because my thinking was still very sick.

It was easy to make friends, because, as hard as it was, I did say, "Hello, I'm Charlie." It was easy to get some hope, because I tried hard to listen. It was easy to get some faith, because I worked as hard as I could at the program.

It is easy today to try giving away my sobriety, because now I can see how hard my life as an active alcoholic was. It is now easy to be a husband and father, because I try hard to share myself with my wife and children. It is easy to face the world, because I am no longer trying to change it; I am working hard on changing me. It is easy to accept and face my mistakes and problems, because I now realize how hard. it is even to be a person, without an alcoholic problem. It is easy to like myself, for no matter how hard it is, I just do the best I am able to do. It is easy to love my wife, because I know how hard she tried to help me when I was sick. It is easy to love my children, because it was hard for them to love me, but they did. It is easy to love my God, because He knew how many hard knocks I needed before I could reach out for the serenity, courage, and wisdom I now have. It is easy to share these thoughts with you, for I know that no matter how hard life is for you today, things do get better.

Today, I know that no matter how hard it becomes to grow and live, it will be easy, because I have, and am a part of, the Fellowship, program, and Steps of AA.

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