Once Over Lightly

GETTING BACK TO THAT STORY about people who drink too much before entering cars, W. H. of Illinois sent in this version, about a tipsy driver who must have been in a hurry. When he got to the freeway, he floored the accelerator. Before long, a squad car sirened him to a stop on the shoulder of the road. As the traffic cop appeared at the open car window, with pad and pencil in hand, the lush looked at him blearily and said, "Gimme a hamburger, French fries, and a small Coke."