Box of Paradoxes

I AM A NEWCOMER. I've been dry less than a month, and I've nearly slipped three times. The only thing that stopped me was my fear of the consequences of that first drink. So far, that fear has overwhelmed my desire to take it. I am in the newcomer's "box of paradoxes"--fear of drinking on one side, desire to drink on another, and on the other sides, bewilderment as to how I got into this state to begin with.