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September 1988

The Seed Sower

WHAT HAPPENED

Looking back, I can plainly see that it was a "do or die" time in my life, I'd arrived at about the halfway point of a two-month bender, which was the culmination of a two-year period of intensive drinking. I'd just been divorced and declared bankrupt, I was unemployed and didn't have a reason to stop the losses. I had lost a great deal of weight, could rarely eat anything of substance, and was existing on booze and cigarettes. Most of the time I was in that twilight zone between wakefulness and sleep that could be best described by the phrase, "drinking oneself sober." Later, I would learn I'd been a working alcoholic most of my adult life--until adversity and the vanishing guidelines for living helped usher me over the line into the squirrel-cage, Catch-22 situation so familiar to alcoholics. Of course, there was no comprehension of all this on my part.

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