Letting Life Unfold

Long before I came to Alcoholics Anonymous I had begun to lose faith in my own self-sufficiency. I knew that no matter how hard I tried, there were certain things I couldn't do, there were people I couldn't force to do what I wanted them to do, and there were things I couldn't even will myself to do--like stop having blackouts when I drank. Yet, I continued to try again and again, hoping that this time was going to be different. This time the stranger I picked up in a bar was really going to turn out to be Prince Charming and fall in love with me. This time I wasn't going to humiliate myself by wetting the bed or my pants. This time I was really going to impress "them" instead of doing things that made the people close to me cringe with embarrassment and make excuses for my behavior.