Ham on Wry

A FRIEND OF MINE SAID he read in a newspaper that alcohol will remove stains from summer clothes. That's correct, he says, and just goes to prove its amazing versatility. If used in sufficient quantity, it will also remove the summer clothes themselves, plus winter clothes, spring clothes and fall clothes from the husband, the wife, and the children. It will remove the furniture from the home, rugs from the floors, and food from the table. It will remove the lining from the stomach, vision from the eyes, and judgment from the mind. Alcohol will remove good reputations, good jobs, good friends, happiness from children's hearts, sanity, freedom, a person's ability to adjust and live with one's neighbors, and even life itself. As a remover of things, alcohol has no equal. It is the Great Liquidator.