The Faint Ember

The first time I walked into an AA meeting, I had that eerie experience so many newcomers seem to have: the speakers were telling my story. Secrets and feelings I thought were uniquely mine were being revealed to a room of a hundred people. After I got over the feeling that it was all a conspiracy--that the counselor who'd suggested I go there had called both speakers and told them exactly how to get to me--I began to experience some hope. There was laughter and the possibility of a different way of living being discussed in that room. Then my heart fell at the end of the meeting when everyone rose to recite the Lord's Prayer. I knew I could never belong. I'd been nonreligious for too long. Religion was okay for people who were weak and needed it (or were simple-minded) but I was strong and smart and would have nothing to do with it.