Ham on Wry

TRYING TO SNEAK UPSTAIRS in the wee hours, the extremely stinko husband falls backwards down the many steps. He lands on his keester, smashing the two empty pints stashed in his back pockets. So numb, he doesn't notice anything until he's undressing later in the bathroom, and sees that he's bloodied up his behind something terrible. He repairs the damage as best as he can and sneaks into bed.