Tape Time

Those first few months trying not to drink were hell for me. I was ashamed of who I was, what I was, and where I was--at an AA meeting. "Just don't drink and get to a meeting." "Keep coming back." I heard these words over and over. When I managed to get my first day in, I couldn't believe the insanity in my head. I could see myself having a tug of war with myself and the obsession. I desperately wanted to drink and desperately wanted to stop. That was the worst battle I ever fought in my life. There was a big sigh of relief when I finally got to bed that night: I had made it. But no one told me the hell wasn't over yet. My mind wouldn't shut up. I spent many miserable nights stuck in my thoughts.