PO Box 1980

Eighteen months in recovery and I swear I've never felt so emotionally raw. I'm looking at my past, while beating myself up for all the time I've wasted. My present life is filled with nothing turning out right, as if everything I try to do gets messed up. Plus, I've been given some pretty big mountains to climb in life itself. I then take a look at the future with complete fear. The questions race----how, why, when, and what?--all pertaining to physical, emotional, financial, and spiritual problems. It feels useless. I realize after leaving a meeting that I have no God of my understanding. And lonely, I'm lonely. What do I do?