The Big Empty

The Big Empty. After thirty years of sobriety on my part, it still dares to show up. It's that spot in my gut that says, "Is that all there is?" It's that feeling that I missed the chance for my fifteen minutes of fame and never knew it was available. It's that hole in the center of my soul that tells me, "I tried the God stuff and it didn't work. It's great that it works for some people, like my sponsor or my grandmother, but in the real world, nobody really believes that stuff, do they?--stuff like God first, then others, then self? Besides, if I were really honest, really helped people without expecting anything in return, really turned the other cheek, I'd get beat up, go broke, and get laughed at. It's easy to learn the AA words, but really do all that? I don't think so. After all, I'm the one who needs fixing. I've got to fill up that Big Empty fast, or I'm back on the street."