An Atheist Sticks Out His Neck

When I came to AA, I was forty-seven years old and had been drinking for about thirty years. While I was in my early twenties, I suspected I was an alcoholic, but I always resented it if anyone else said that I was. Years later, toward the end of my drinking, I was baffled, disgusted, and depressed by my inability to quit, even when I tried. Often I would find myself with a drink in my hand and a hole where my chest was supposed to be, thinking things like: "What's the use?" or "I've started now, so I may as well continue."