This was it

It all started about a week before my 19th birthday. A friend whom I hadn't talked to in over a year invited me to hang out with him and a couple friends at his house. it was going to be there. This time was different though. I hadn't had it for over a month. The decision was made. I was going and I would just simply not have any. I didn't want any. When I got there, we walked straight to his room and there it was. So I sat and talked and watched them drink, taking little sips. Then, after being there only about 20 minutes, that feeling was there, a feeling of craving. All I needed was a simple excuse, some reason to break my initial intent, and it came. One friend thought it was too strong. I immediately grabbed a cup and mixed a new drink for him to try, still too strong.That, too strong? I couldn't believe it, so here was my chance, I had to try for chance, I had to try for myself. There it was, the first sip in a month. Delicious and smooth, I felt it make its way straight down to the very bottom of my stomach. Well now, that wasn't that bad; what was I thinking? I could drink just a little. That's all. Then I would stop. I stopped all right, although it took me spending three hours with a toilet bowl, praying: I'II never do that again. I promise. Please just make me feel better.