DREAM BIG

THE moment I experienced being inebriated, I experienced the first sensation of freedom from my loud, self-absorbed mind. Prior to getting drunk, I struggled with comparing myself to other people, always falling way short of "them" in my own evaluation. I was prone to humiliation and loneliness, even around a large gathering (I might even say especially among a large gathering). I always felt as if something was missing, as if I genetically lacked this essential "okayness" that everyone else seemed to have. I always looked to others for recognition, and typically never found it. It seems absurd really, to imagine all of this going on in the little girl that I was, but such is alcoholism. For many of us, it is there nesting our whole lives, just waiting for us to take that first drink. Such was the case with me. There is a distinct feature we have that makes us incessantly uncomfortable until we experience the ease and comfort that takes form through alcohol.