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August 2010

Right where I left off

After five years in the program of AA, I thought I understood the true nature of the disease. I also thought I was spiritually fit. I still attended weekly AA meetings, although sporadically, I'd become comfortable.

One day someone said something that hurt my feelings. I let all the pain I had ever experienced in my life hurt me once again. I cried and cried about it. But I didn't call my sponsor. Later that day, I gave a neighbor a ride home from the store near my house. We were to have lunch, but I had five shots of vodka instead. I attempted to move my car and ended up in a cell downtown. It was just that quick.

My disease is truly cunning, baffling and powerful and had reared its ugly nature once again, only this time, my consequences were steep. All the times I had driven drunk and now I had gotten a DUI in my own driveway! It is true that you pick up right where you left off. At least, it was true for me.

For the past six months, I have been leading a sober life again, sharing daily with a wonderful sponsor and praying and meditating. These things have helped me "grow through the pain." God has once again helped me through. My anger, fear and resentment have healed. I am truly at peace with myself. As long as I allow God to do his will in my life I can stay sober. Today, I value my sobriety. I make better choices, set firmer boundaries and read and write daily literature. Each day I take one day at a time leads me on my journey in recovery.

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