On dangerous ground

Growing up, I felt terminally unique. I made great attempts to be better than most at everything I did—school, work, relationships, etc. There always seemed to be a gap in my ability to conform to what society deemed acceptable. I couldn’t stand authority, but was too afraid to rebel. I was afraid of making others angry, so I kept to myself most of the time and became an extreme introvert. I was always trying to be someone or something else, trying to figure out how to be comfortable in my own skin. I felt unacceptable. My drinking played a large part in my search for ease and comfort. I could go away when I drank. I wasn’t drinking to get drunk. I just wanted to be happy as myself.