Web Exclusive: I Wanted What the People in the Meetings Had

I was sitting in a low-rent apartment, drinking beer, watching television and crying. I was killing myself with alcohol, had lost my job, did not have any friends, and hung out with people that liked to drink as much as I did. I was a miserable human being. But on one particular day 23 years ago, I remember sitting in front of the television and I asked God to help me. “Please help me,” I remember crying. “I do not want to live this way anymore. Please help me!” I meant those three words with every fiber of my being. I meant those words with my heart, my soul. I was so tired of being tired. I was tired of trying to remember the lies I needed to say to cover up the other lies.  I was tired of feeling guilty for not showing up for life, for family, for friends and work. I was tired of the shame and disgust I often felt when I drank.