Grapevine Online Exclusives

Web Exclusive: I Wanted What the People in the Meetings Had

She attended meetings with solution in her eyes until she finally heard what she needed to hear.

I was sitting in a low-rent apartment, drinking beer, watching television and crying. I was killing myself with alcohol, had lost my job, did not have any friends, and hung out with people that liked to drink as much as I did. I was a miserable human being. But on one particular day 23 years ago, I remember sitting in front of the television and I asked God to help me. “Please help me,” I remember crying. “I do not want to live this way anymore. Please help me!” I meant those three words with every fiber of my being. I meant those words with my heart, my soul. I was so tired of being tired. I was tired of trying to remember the lies I needed to say to cover up the other lies.  I was tired of feeling guilty for not showing up for life, for family, for friends and work. I was tired of the shame and disgust I often felt when I drank.   

WANT TO CONTINUE READING?

You must be an AA Grapevine member to access full stories and audio.

Login Subscribe

Have Something You Want To Share?

We want to hear your story! Submit your story and it could be published in a future issue of AA Grapevine!

Submit your Story