Someone Saved My Life Tonight

When I look back at the last few months of my drinking, I get chills. Those months were horrible, and I was miserable. I had come to know the four hideous horsemen—terror, bewilderment, frustration, and despair. I could not stop drinking. I drank from the moment I woke up in the morning until I fell down at night. I was drunk all the time. I was so depressed, angry and shame-ridden. I could not look at myself in the mirror. I could not stand my own reflection. Facing the reality of my train-wreck life was too painful when sober—and barely tolerable when drunk. I was without hope and had reached the end of my rope. I had only one option left: I needed to end my life. I lacked the courage to take the step, but I would ponder it most of the time. I could no longer go on like this.