12-Step Turtle

I entered AA carrying tremendous hatred and anger toward God. I felt abandoned and broken by multiple tragedies, and I’d lost all ability to cope with life. I barely recognized myself. In early sobriety, my mindset screamed that God let me suffer terrible things as punishment. Or that he’d shown utter apathy toward my unique and desperate plight. I raged and rebelled against the program’s insistence that I turn my will and life over to a Higher Power, because I wholeheartedly believed mine already had screwed me over. I wasn’t going to set myself up to be cheated and deserted by that useless sadist again! I’d been hurt too deeply, left hopeless during too many desperate times, to take another risk at faith. No way!