A Thousand Wishes

When I finally entered the rooms of AA in earnest, I read the Steps over and over. Early in recovery, I attended a meeting focused on Step Eleven. Thinking about this Step, where we “sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God,” I realized that I understood how to meditate, but I didn’t know how to pray. An analyst by nature and by training, my mind was always spinning, dissecting my thoughts and contemplating my actions. I planned my day each morning and took stock each evening. I analyzed and over-analyzed each and every event of the day, trying to put things into perspective, to grasp the meaning of life, and to understand my role in the universe. But I did not pray.