Waking up

I was raised in the church with a good religious base. However, despite the best attempts of the church, I felt there was no God, at least not a God who would involve himself with human affairs. The only reason I went to church when I was young was because they had wine. It was my reward for attending; I got a little buzz at the end of the mass. The God of my understanding at this time was a vengeful God who was waiting for us to screw up so he could stomp on us.