Dancing on a Pinhead

I have just broken my personal best record. I’ve served three months as General Service Representative and I am still excited. I first tried being a GSR when I was two years sober and only lasted one month in the position. It gave me a headache. It seemed to me that all the participants were doing was arguing, as the old saying goes, about how many angels could dance on the head of a pin. When I was 19 years sober, I thought I would probably be able to do this job which brought so many people so much joy. But, alas…again, I got a headache and a resentment.



I have had lots of service positions in AA. I’ve been the coffee maker, secretary, treasurer and group chairperson, among others. And I’ve sponsored people. I just didn’t seem to be able to do general service. 



But then in 2015, I was elected to our local Intergroup Board. As a board member, I was designated to chair the committee that publishes our local newsletter. One person was writing articles on the Traditions each month. And in a moment of God-inspired insanity, I volunteered to write an article on the Concepts every month!



I knew next to nothing about the Concepts, except that they were possibly the pinhead on which the proverbial angels were dancing. Being alcoholic, I did not flinch. I am, after all, invincible, and can do anything. Someone mentioned that the Concepts were in the A.A. Service Manual. That sounded a little scary, but I got a copy and started to read it. I’m embarrassed to say that again, I got a headache. I had a long career as a corporate lawyer, but my brain got twisted reading that manual. So I got what I refer to as “the Concepts for dummies,” which is actually an AA pamphlet called, “The Twelve Concepts for World Service Illustrated.” Whenever I’m learning something new, I look for one of the “for Dummies” books. I find the yellow and black covers comforting. I still have “Buddhism for Dummies” at home.



The Concepts started to make sense as I wrote the articles each month. While writing my articles and attending Intergroup meetings, I met several people who were very excited about general service. They convinced me to attend our area preconference assembly. Actually, I was not sure I wanted to do that. I am a busy person, after all. But I heard “donuts” and “lunch” and I figured, what the heck. 

I left home with a great deal of trepidation, envisioning lots of angels on lots of pinheads. But I went. I think what motivated me was the old “suit up and show up” idea I was taught in early sobriety.



Turns out, I loved the assembly and had an incredible experience listening to all the various questions, ideas and opinions. I could literally feel the excitement and love for AA in the room. I realized something that day. When I participate and see the Concepts in action, they come alive. They’re not just words on a page, but an action. I wanted to be part of that. 



I decided I wanted to be a GSR. But the assembly was in April and my home group wouldn’t be electing a GSR until December. So I spent those months letting people know that I wanted to be a GSR and went to my district meeting, where I heard about a workshop on the Concepts and a workshop on the Traditions before the meeting. What a wonderful experience and resource.



So in December, I became the GSR for my group. I can’t believe how excited I was. Then, through a fluke, I received the opportunity to attend PRAASA (the Pacific Regional AA Service Assembly) for our district. I was on an AA service high. I flew off to Spokane, Washington, and not only did I not get a headache all weekend, I learned why I had not been able to participate in general service all these years. At 31 years sober, I finally realized that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It was during PRAASA that I learned I could listen as though I had no opinion. What a gift!