Taking That First Step

I often hear at meetings that Step One is the only Step that must be practiced perfectly. But is practicing perfectly oxymoronic? As a perfectionist and as an alcoholic, I had a problem with this. Fortunately, my sponsor was a careful reader and led me to the Twelve and Twelve. It reads: “Only Step One, where we made the 100% admission that we were powerless over alcohol, can be practiced with complete perfection.” The Big Book also tells us: “There must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol.” This frightened me when I first got sober. I was certainly at the jumping off point but believing in the program required a huge leap of faith. My faith was barely audible, and the disease and I had a rich history. I wanted recovery more than I wanted to drink—but just by a nearly imperceptible hair. A civil war ensued.