Kind, Benevolent, Caring
March 2021 | Making Amends

Kind, Benevolent, Caring

My life then could not have been described as safe and secure, caring and kind, or filled with unconditional love and joy. I found all that when I got to AA.

I started attending AA meetings at age 44 while I was in a treatment center. Until that time, I was self-reliant to a fault. I was at the top of my career and had all the trappings of success. I recoiled at the thought or mention of surrender and stayed that way until I was 10 years sober. That’s when John became my sponsor.

John knelt with me while holding my hand and had me read aloud the Third Step Prayer from the Big Book. That moment was the beginning of a meaningful relationship with my sponsor and with a Higher Power, though I did not realize it at the time.

In AA, all of our literature refers to a God of my understanding that I imagine is kind, benevolent and caring. I had never known a God of that description, especially as a child. My life then could not have been described as safe and secure, caring and kind, or filled with unconditional love and joy. I found all that when I got to AA.

Today, my ego still wants to be in charge, so I ask for God’s will not mine to be done every time I say or recite the Serenity Prayer. Now at 40 years sober, I still ask daily for the willingness, strength and courage to continue to seek God’s will for me. As it says in our book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, “It is when we try to make our will conform with God’s that we begin to use it rightly.” I thank God and AA for the wonderful life I live today.

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