I Was Finally Set Free

I don't think I can ever remember a time in my adult life that I had any tools, other than alcohol and other unhealthy solutions to dealing with my problems. I was flailing around in the wind each day of my life. Terrified, alone and unsure of where to go or what to do next. The only thing I knew that would make me feel better and regain some sort of hold on my life was alcohol. Strangely enough, I felt in control only when I was out of control. In high school, I had fallen head over heels in love with a person who didn't act like he loved me at all. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was that I loved him. I was completely dedicated to him and thought I could change him and make him love me, so I married him. He was a project of mine for almost 10 years. Until we separated when I decided I could have more fun with alcohol and other men and we had a falling out that ended our marriage, although we did have a son together.