Grapevine Online Exclusive

Published March 2011.

Web Exclusive: Finding Love Again on AA Campus

The work in AA has helped this couple bring their relationship to a richer, deeper level.

"In the course of becoming a running buddy and a friend, I was starting to fall in love again."

I was six months short of 40 when I took my last drink. My two children were in junior high and high school, driving me crazy, and I had a marriage that was in the final stages of destruction. I learned in my sobriety that my drinking was the primary cause of the misery in my life although I didn’t think so. I was very angry to learn from the winners that I was not to make any major changes in relationships the first year of my sobriety because I wanted a divorce, and that would solve most of my problems. But I wanted what you had and I listened and followed the advice. My attitude changed and by my first AA birthday I sincerely wanted to save my marriage and make it work. It was not to be, there was way too much baggage of the past that kept being blown back to my side of the street, and I didn’t have a willing partner that would work on her side. I moved out, and a few weeks later, the divorce papers were served. A marriage of almost 23 years was over, due to my drinking.

I was finished with women—they were a source of misery. I decided to stay a bachelor for the rest of my life. I wanted nothing to do with any other women, I would now be able to hunt, fish and do what I wanted, when I wanted, without anyone’s permission. As usual, my intentions were no prediction of my future. I continued with my program and went to a lot of meetings. I joined in with others for coffee or ice cream and occasionally lunch or dinner. I learned how to interact with others without having an agenda. I also started listening closer to people, especially those who shared regularly about their Higher Power. I was attracted to the women who shared their Higher Power. I started thinking that spiritual women were the most beautiful people on earth. After a time, the group after the meeting was getting smaller when we would go out. Then one night it got down to just two of us. The other person was this lady who was very open and honest about her God. The fact that she was pretty and had a nice figure was a plus. I think we just went for coffee after that meeting.

-- Robert M.

Carrollton, Texas

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