From the February 2011 magazine.

February 2011: On dangerous ground

A crush on her sponsor cracks the protective shell around her sexuality

"I came clean and shared my truth, and she couldn’t have been any more supportive."

Growing up, I felt terminally unique. I made great attempts to be better than most at everything I did—school, work, relationships, etc. There always seemed to be a gap in my ability to conform to what society deemed acceptable. I couldn’t stand authority, but was too afraid to rebel. I was afraid of making others angry, so I kept to myself most of the time and became an extreme introvert. I was always trying to be someone or something else, trying to figure out how to be comfortable in my own skin. I felt unacceptable. My drinking played a large part in my search for ease and comfort. I could go away when I drank. I wasn’t drinking to get drunk. I just wanted to be happy as myself.

I had hoped, when I got sober, that I would learn how to become comfortable with myself. What I didn’t know was where that journey would take me.

-- M. F.

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