It is only thru the truth that you will be set truly free. 3 and a half years ago I started my journey to freedom from sex addiction by admitting to my spouse about my other life I was living. and it hurt her and me and our relationship but since then I have been on a path that is leading me to freedom. I'm sure she, appreciates knowing because she knew something wasn't right all along. It also concreted my decision to take this awful thing into recovery and do the work, another thing that she also appreciates. Cleaning up our pasts is what the majority of the step work is about. The parts that you leave out you will still have to live with. You will have to resolve the guilt and shame you feel with your sponsor. that is the only solution I see for you. Living with the guilt and shame is not a solution. The last part of your statement shows me that you know this to be true already. Although I don't know the specifics of your problem, I know the truth will set you free.
get a sponsor and develop a relationship with her. learn to trust her and she will help guide you through the process.the most important thing is not harming someone else. there are ways of making amends without directly speaking to the person we harmed. read steps 8&9 so you can continue on your journey.
There is rigorous honesty, and there is stupid honesty.
A friend rushed into the ninth step and revealed a
decretion to his wife. He was doing what he felt was
the right thing. His marriage ended and his children
suffered. Share your secrets with a priest or other
professional sworn to secrecy. We have no right to
buy our own peace of mind at the expense of others.
Just do not repeat sins of the past. I believe God
forgives us if we confess, but just to one other
human being. I have found that even if they ask,
they really don't want to know. Just be a good
person, stay sober, and try to grow in the
spiritual principles of Honesty, purity, unselfishness
and love. Think about others' well being. ANONYMOUS
Truth is always the best ammend possible, but do speak at length with your sponsor and others who have walked this path before you before you decide for yourself when, how, and to whom you make ammends. We do it so we CAN "move on" and change our shameful and hurtful behavior, and so we CAN heal relationships. If "just moving on and forgeting about it worked why would we need all the steps???
A thirty year anonymous person
Good question. The last time I looked, all the steps were
still but suggestions. ANONYMOUS
From the beginning of my journey in sobriety - I knew that I needed to be honest with myself - looking at my character defects as well as my character assets. It is my experience that in long term sobriety - it does not mean I am free from dishonest thoughts but keeping clear of dishonest actions is the key. I intuitively know when I am off center - and it must be rectified immediately!
Only when i accepted that i could'nt go back to the life i had and be sober and happy and content that i became really willing to follow AA's way of life. I had to let go of any reservations about what i was going to do and become a true member of AA.- Jstar.
i heard in the rooms that God puts a chicken on your table but you had to cook it. I am amazed how i still have a lot of the same thinking and judgements about life, the meaning of people's actions, my station in life, my beliefs about who i am, even who God is, etc. and then i end up feeling terrible! Well, if i don't question and change the lies i tell myself, then i'll continue to feel terrible. The first step, for me is to recognize those patterns. AA gives me freedom to do that!
Aa taught nsr that i hAve an obsession and an allergy after 20 plus years of addiction im free to vw me and have no need to use BUT I HAVE TI GO TO MEETINGS EVERYDAY
Sobriety, through Alcoholics Anonymous, is a gift from God. But unlike other gifts, this is one
we have to ask for. And there is a condition. We have to give it away in order to keep it.
Strange, too, is that we give it away by talking about it. Rose
"I did not give my fear away, they took it." I find that quote so on target.
I think as recovering alcoholics, when we face the truth about ourselves, we need GOD. He gives us the strength and courage to change ourselves, and helps us to be a new creation. Cathy g Newark,De
I as a recovering Alcoholic visit myself each day. I do that by taking a personal inventory of my day. I also do that by praying throughout the day that I am doing God's will. The best thing I can do for that day is not pick up a drink, not matter what happens. Catherine G
My sponsor points out to me that we do recover in AA. It says as much in several places in the Big Book. I would start my paragraph, "I as a recovered Alcoholic ...."
When I am given courage and passion,the willingness to have God transform me into his/her useful servant, fear seems to make itself scarce.
In 2008 I woke up one morning with a lot of fear about a big decision I had made two months earlier. As I did my morning meditation the words fear and faith came to mind. I thought, "They can't exist at the same time." I read every entry in "As Bill Sees It" on both fear and faith, and then remembered that I had a book called "Faith" by Sharon Salzberg. In the beginning of her book she says that FAITH is an action verb in Pali, Latin, and Hebrew. It is "to faithe" and it means to take the next step. I thought, "Oh, right, the antidote to fear is taking the next step." So "Into Action" is the bedrock of FAITH.
Thank you so much for your take on faith. Taking the next step is sometimes all I can do. The good thing is that it leads to the next step, and the next, and pretty soon my struggles are more past than present and I can look back and see that my life is changing for the better.
Did you ever search for your house keys and find they were in plain sight all along ?
Only when I admited that I had a proplem with alcohol I went to AA, only when I accept that I was alcoholicI stopped drink. Only when admited I had lots of fears and defetcs I tried change it.
True humility...attraction rather than promotion.
Exactly at the right time is when I read this... sound familiar anyone? Thank you very much for sharing this quote today. I may have to frame todays quote, I am grateful for the gift you helped me see. Jane
I love our little sayings and anachronisms. Since coming to AA in '81, I have been fond of one that's an offshoot of "some are sicker than others". I like, instead, "Some are thicker than others"
Absolutely love it on so many levels.
Great Idea to announce that GV Quote of the Day is now available. I like to encourage people to read the GV at my meetings, and maybe the Quote of the Day is a way to get more people interested!
Craig in Lincoln, NE
At the meetings I attend the "how it works" is read at the start of each meeting to remind us just that - the "how". The traditions are the "why" it works. I believe it is our founding fathers who had the forthsight to put these simple suggestions in writing which has allowed this fellowship to grow and thrive for over three-quarters of a century. Most certainly divinely inspired, the traditions are important and spiritually infused guidelines to keep me on my path of recovery and in so doing, on my continually evolving path of life. Susan R.~ Harrisburg, PA
Alcoholics Anonymous "grew and thrived" for 57 years.
We have fewer members today than we had two decades ago.
We have made many mistakes, blunders, Bill called them.
The reading of "How it Works" aloud at meetings is the
worst mistake we have made. This has been explained numerous
times on the I-SAY FORUM. ANONYMOUS
I didn't get any grapevine quotes like that. Why are you talking about that on the quote of the day thread. start a new thread for negatives like you.
That's where I found it. That is where I made my reply.
Not the point of the comment that you replied on. However, your poiint is noted, accepted, and tolerated. Thanks for sharing. I feel very doubtful that the "worst mistake we have made" involves a reading at the beginning of a meeting. But I can certainly to agree to disagree on that.
I am new to reading these comments. Can you explain why it is a mistake to read "How it Works" aloud at meetings" I am very curious as many, if not all, of the meetings I attend do this.
There are numerous postings on I-SAY explaining this in
detail. I ask you to examine them closely. On page 159
in AACA, Bill wrote about where he placed HIW. Bill wrote,
"The backbone of the book would have to be fitted in
right here". At the top of page 160 Bill wrote "This
problem had secretly worried the life out of me".
Yes, many if not most, AA groups read "How it Works"
aloud at meetings. We ignore, and disobey the advice
given to Bill by Dr. Silkworth. Bill writes that without
this advice, AA could never have been born. It is the
cart before the horse IDEA. If Bill writes that AA could have never been born without this advice, I think it is
at least worth investigating. Our AA membership has been
stagnant for two decades, churning, helping and holding
a few. Dr Silkworth offers us a technique for the
wholesale recovery of alcoholic sufferers. ANONYMOUS
Unfortunatly, according to Box 459,we had more AA members in 2002 than we do today. We are not growing. I think this is cause for great concern. I take responsibility for not speaking up as AA was being "wattered down" during the 33 years I have been a member. I feel my duty now is to encourage others to understand our traditions and concepts and explain thair importance to AA's future.
As a newer member to AA, I would like some more details on what you're discussing here. Can you describe how the Program has been watered down? Thank you.
"to make weak or dilute." So as it applies to AA, it simply means that anything said or done not in accordance with or following the clear-cut, precise, specific directions in the basic text of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, weakens or dilutes the program. Through the years since its inception in 1935, the program has been diluted and watered down by a lot of us who do not read/study the Big Book, don't take the steps/follow the path thoroughly, subscribe to half measures, and try to pass on something we certainly don't have or have all screwed up. Look up what Bob Pearson wrote in his last address, titled "Rigidity." Hope this cleared it up a bit for you....don't let watered down, diluted AAs screw up your path to recovery.
Through the years since its inception in 1935, through
years of trial and error, the most effective method of
reaching the suffering alcoholic was developed.
To reach the alcoholic at the level which works, we
have to understand "How it Worked" at that first meeting
of Bill W. and Dr. Bob. Bill had worked with numerous
alcoholics before he met Dr Bob. In his own words Bill
described his results as spectacularly unsuccessful. Bill
was using the HIW approach, preaching to his prospects.
That approach did not work with alcoholics then and is
not working for us today. True, some do respond, but
we fail most alcoholics approaching us today.
Somewhere in our literature is written that we best
reach alcoholics by feeding them with teaspoons instead
of buckets. Today we try to feed them with buckets by reading How it Works to them. We count just over two
million members worldwide today. We ought to be at
six to eight million members today. I believe we
would be at that number if we had not introduced the
How it Works approach to helping them. Instead of
helping them we push them away from their final chance
or hope. We can water it down: stop reading the 24 hr
book and "How it Works" at meetings. Stop all praying
and chanting at meetings. Return the role of sponsor to
being a servant, not a teacher. It is the responsibility
of the GROUP to teach, not the individual member.
If we follow the path thoroughly, paying attention
to each and every detail exactly, we will rarely fail.
As strange as it seems, the diluted, watered down approach
is "How it Works". ANONYMOUS
This is very difficult to explain and even more
difficult to understand. Until Bill used the advice
from Dr. Silkworth, he had very little success in
helping another suffering alcoholic. Dr Silkworth's
advice to Bill (and I believe to us) was to stop
preaching and to go easy on the God Stuff.
I see diluted as the method which works. We have
become too rigid. We make so many requirements to
new and old members that we push them away. We all know
what they are. 90 in 90, work those steps, hold hands
with us while we pray. We use a method of attraction, (in
theory)without an ounce of promotion. We should not tell
another: if you want what I have, you will have to do what
I did, or even worse, do what I tell you to do. Let
the Big Book do all the suggesting. Even the book is
meant to be suggestive only.
I just re-read the EXERPTS FROM G.S.O. SENIOR ADVISOR BOB P'S CLOSING TALK at the 36th GENERAL SERVICE CONFERENCE.
He wrote in 1986 that he felt that the greatest danger
facing Alcoholics Anonymous today (1986) is "the growing
rigidity that is so apparent to me and many others."
We need to return to the method which works: Share our
own experience, strength and hope, what I was like, exactly
what happened to me, and what I am like now. Stop reading
How it Works aloud at meetings, stop requiring new
members to turn their lives over to a "sponsor". Remove
all religion and cult rituals, such as chanting and
praying at meetings. We want to include all alcoholics
who have a desire to get well. That ought to be the
only requirement for membership in our fellowship. ANONYMOUS
God forbid that anything should evolve from the original sacred text as you interpret them. Bitter old men like you have clung to the tired old phrase " its not like it was 30 years ago". If you were to have things your way we would still be reading from the 1st edition and speaking in Edwardian English like Bill wrote in. "How It Works" is an accurate presentation of the program and that is what the groups primary responsibility is to the new comer, an accurate presentation and it should be read at the start EVERY meeting. 90 in 90 helps form the habit of attendance and it gets the drunk through his/her toughest patch. Frankly I seldom ever hear it referred to. Your hyperboles about requiring new members to turn there lives over to a sponsor is rubbish and shame on you for the lie. This may happen in one in a thousand groups and for you to paint the whole of AA with that brush is despicable. People come to these pages for encouragement not for your vitriolic hate filled resentments. Finally AA is not a cult or a religion and your court sightings to the contrary are a fraud and you know it. More new comers are driven away from AA by the likes of you then by any reading or format.
I debated if this message was worth a reply. It is
posted on "Moment of Clarity" #4. Sometimes angry,
mostly sad old man. Sad to see our fellowship near
death, on life support. ANONYMOUS
sent this to the drug addicts who want to talk about the types of drugs they use and how they use them. singleness of purpose,
If you came from a treatment center to AA you need to understand that if what the treatment center taught you is not in the AA literature or if it conflicts with the AA program, then follow the AA program or risk getting drunk! Thanks, Corky 7-8-71
I have been announcing this new tool at the different meetings whenever I have the opportunity. I read and ponder the quote every day. To me it is like a nice respite from all of the other emails that I receive daily. I tend to save it for last, as though it is my dessert. The quote for June 25 reminds me of times when I have tried to muscle my way through in group business meetings, not paying much attention to our wonderful set of traditions, which is the glue that binds our fellowship in our singleness of purpose. Of course, I've learned to do better than that. Now I like to have a receptive ear and if I decide to contribute something to the discussion I first weigh it against the traditions. It has given me a lot of peace of mind and serenity. Thank you for this great new tool.
"No matter what is going on in my life, no matter how bad things seem, I can always find something to be grateful for if I just look hard enough."
Today's quote, as always, is just what God wants me to hear....had auto accident Wednesday, waiting to hear if my car is totalled. Trying to keep my trust in God alive, but it is difficult as this would be a devastating blow. Grateful that I am alive and not hurt worse than I am, but that gratitude is hard to hold on to in the face of what would be yet another financial disaster. I'm alive & sober, " take away my difficulties, that victory over them
would show those I would help of thy love, thy power, thy way of life." Please help me trust in thee that however this turns out is your will and help me to accept it.
Sad in Savannah
Any time I am unable to find something to be grateful for, I need to go back through the first three steps.
Not only do I try to find gratitude in all situations, but also can find peace and serenity with the knowledge that no matter the situation or (percieved) predicament, all will be ok in the end. All this as a gift from my Higher Power through the working of the steps and this program.
I was told to live in the now 10 years ago when i came back to A.A. after 13 years of more research. My first sponsor and 3 other fella's told me this constantly. I got tired of hearing it so i believe i needed to hear it. They also told me to be where my hands are. I am always grateful for those guys being there for me. They really helped me to realize reality and to stop living in the fantasy world i was living in. I love the grapevine quote of the day and look forward to reading it every day. Keep up the great work you are doing and the new ideas. I love it. Wally L. sterling, IL.
I am not qualified to intellectualize the mind of GOD!
So the simple solution for this alcoholic is to believe with all my heart that GOD IS !!!
Having lived a life of selfishness, self-centered, only believing thtat you only did something for someone only if you received something in return and in most cases, if it was more profitable. It was hard for me to trust someone for the sake that they wanted to, only when I began to work steps with my Sponsor and began to open up, that the love broke through, That I was able to, also get that feeling of wanting to give and only then was I able to "Trust" in others.
This is a great quote!
I grew up in a family of secrets and unable to rely on other people. Slowly in the rooms of AA I have begun to develop very dear to me relationships. I recently went through a scary cancer scare -- am ok no cancer-- but I was not alone as the living support of three women from meetings stayed close to me. Felt close to the God of my understanding and felt this women were manifestations of they God-Live we carry to each other.
So appreciate this lesson on trust.
Thank you for this quote!
I have found no other more significant principle in my sobriety than being able to actually begin trusting another human being with knowing my character defects. A real sense of Unity which is one of the three legacies of AA. Joe G.
I have nothing more significant in my sobriety than the ability to begin to trust another human with my character defects while practicing rigorous honesty. Joe G.
Thank you AA for teaching me how to trust my friends and lean on them. I was far too proud and fearful to lean on friends. I thought they would drop me and then laugh at me. What a relief to be able to trust.