Burning Desire to Share

2356 replies [Last post]
admin
Offline
Joined: 2009-08-28

Have an problem or question that you need to share right away? Here's a great place to do it!

mauser98
Offline
Joined: 2014-11-24
20 year retread

Hi folks.

New to the grapevine online, and once again back in aa.
In and out for 20 years. At one time I had 9 years of sobriety. Of course, I never got a sponsor, never worked the steps, never changed my attitude/behavior. Subsequently, I drank again.

I went back out in April of '06, and been back and forth ever since.
I hate this.

Even when I did get a sponsor this last February, I started to do the work, made some progress, felt a little better. That was good.

But when I feel better, I begin to forget the pain. So after 5 months I went out...again. Now I'm coming back...again. I've made plans to stay on the path, but that's all I've ever done was make plans (can anyone relate?).

I'm sick of this. I've been told by many folks in aa that I know what to do, but I never seem to follow through.

I just want to be well adjusted and live a good life.

Thanks for listening.

Chris c.
Leominster, MA

Anonymous
New and God Befuddled

Many people tell me recovery is about establishing a God relationship. I’ve already have had a continuous one since childhood and became an alcoholic anyways. My temp sponsor suggested I have the wrong God. That’s foolish thinking to blame my misfortune on the god of my upbringing. We aren’t puppets on a string. It’s difficult to sit in the rooms and listen to people describe “their” version of god. How many gods are there? I thought there was only one god. Some guy told me his god is a “Goya Bean Can.” Another guy said his god was “Group of Drunks” How can the god I believe in, the creator of the universe be reduced to a can of beans or a group of drunks? It seems silly to worship a bunch of beans or drunks. It’s confusing enough listening to people talk about their god like he or she is Santa Claus; or a loving god that forgives and leads me away from temptation reflected in the closing prayer. I don’t get it but, I don’t want to drink anymore. I’ve accepted that I have medical condition described as the disease of alcoholism and a brain disorder, which severely damaged my mind and organs not to mention family and job. And it’s clear if I drink again I will die. I was told to keep an open mind in the beginning but it’s not easy. It would be easier for me if people in my group would focus more on helping alcoholics and then twisting people’s arms to believe in Gods. I feel more people would be helped. Although I am new I see the revolving door of people that get turned off by the God stuff. They go out and I never see them again. I’m lucky because I don’t have that problem; in my case it’s getting used to be around too many gods and with bizarre origins at that. My new sponsor suggested I write this so I listened.
God Befuddled in Recovery-land.

Anonymous
Tradition 3

The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. That is pretty simple for many of us who have no understanding of a power greater than our-selves.
We all have to start somewhere, even if it's in a can-o-beans.
I heard once that AA is not for folks who need it, but for folks who want it. How ever you stay sober in this fellowship is up to each one of us (thank God.(pun intended) I choose to take the steps, and follow the suggestions because I like the easier, softer way.

Anonymous
you're in the right place

I have found that A.A. is a spiritual solution to my problems with alcohol. Spiritual, meaning Our spirits, each one of us has one or we would be vegetables in wheelchairs. Our spirits unite on this common problem and solution, and it's a compilation of all those members belief in a higher power and doing the next right thing that makes it work for those that want it. It doesn't seem to work for those that can't accept that there is a power greater than themselves and look for the differences rather than the likenesses. The truth was for me, my best efforts had gotten me here, perhaps I should listen to these folks and open my mind to the possibility that I might not understand what they were trying to tell me.

lb2013
Offline
Joined: 2014-03-31
Befuddled

Maybe it's like having a computer with an operating system and many programs. Sure, I have one, but how much of the power am I using; maybe 10%. If I need more "power" or capability, I can SEEK it out by exploring and learning.

AA encourages us to SEEK in regards to a Higher Power; God could and would if He were sought. Whether I come in to AA with experience as a Catholic, Protestant, Mormon, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, Atheist, Agnostic or whatever; I am asked to be honest, open minded and willing to seek the power I need to overcome alcoholism.

It's not that I didn't have a Higher Power when I came to AA; it was that I didn't know what my HP was capable of or how to tap into the Power or what the Power was for. (to love & serve my fellow humans, I believe)

AA helped me cast off my old limited notions of God and set me off on an exploratory journey that has continued for 28 years. I thoroughly enjoy the freedom AA gives me to SEEK and learn about my HP and to apply the Power in my life and the lives of others.

Anonymous
re-befuddled originator

I want to thank everyone so much for taking the time for sincerely sharing and helping with to my dilemma without ridicule.
I also want to thank the anonymous workers who volunteer on this site. It's a great thing to be able to have a place to share honestly. (Now not so much god-Befuddled but hopeful)

Anonymous
RE: New and God Befuddled

Thanks for the message. It is an important one. I wish
all our members would read it a couple of times and develop
an understanding of what you are saying. You are new and
are already questioning practices which I have been trying
to point out.
My advice to you, from a lifetime of AA experience, is
to search for a Third edition of the Big Book and to read
the entire book without any diversion. Develop your own
understanding. Read each page carefully. On page 164 Bill
tells us that the entire book is being offered in a
suggestive manner.
Today's AA is confusing. We have complicated a simple
solution to alcoholism.
Alcohol was a power greater than me. I needed to find
something more powerful than liquor. I turned to the
teachings of my childhood. They began to make sense to
me. A group of sober drunks is certainly stronger than
me. Call it a higher power if you want. Many of us
call it God. It has worked for me for 44 years. ANONYMOUS

Anonymous
New and observant (not befuddled).

Thanks for your post, a topic that is common and needs as much clarification as possible and frequently. I will celebrate 35 years of sobriety next week and have heard everything you have described ad infinitum. Fortunately I have also heard How it Works read several thousand times. They don’t agree do they? Since it’s Alcoholics Anonymous not Joe’s anonymous or Sally’s or Hank’s any information that is contrary to the information in “Alcoholics Anonymous” is likely incorrect or at least suspect or unproven. Why is there so much of it. Simple - the only requirement for membership. In addition to common alcoholic thinking which fills jails, bankruptcy and divorce courts, mental institutions and coffins there were already enough members after only three years with “…grave mental and emotional disorders” to earn a place in the most important section of all of our literature. Early on I heard a drunk trying to make fun of our spiritual solution for alcoholism by claiming a ridiculous object for a Higher Power. He was murdered. Stick around, see how it plays out.
If you focus on those who don’t follow AA’s simple program, you will find them. If you focus on the winners you will find them too. I just wandered through the British Museum and was able to see images of numerous gods men have known (or created) all over the world over the centuries. Like you I grew up with one. Over sixty years, within the same demonization of Protestantism, His official policy has changed considerably. It is unlikely that you have the one true vision of God nor do I or anyone else. Many of us were fed an image of God that was worse than unhelpful, it was detrimental. Until we can unlearn some of the unhelpful information a Good Orderly Direction or a Group Of Drunks (who can stay sober) are certainly a power greater than ourselves. It’s a start. AA’s program of recovery also spells out that it isn’t enough. Go to the source, read it yourself. While you’re at it, you might notice that there are about a hundred words following the third step prayer, expanding on it and then the words “Next we launch out on a course of vigorous action…” describing EXACTLY how we turn our will over to the CARE of God (as we understand Him) and it doesn’t say CONTROL, does it.
Does thirty five years get me a PHD is sobriety? Not quite. More like repeating second grade thirty four times. Listen, study, keep your eyes and mind open you will easily be answering instead of asking here in a couple of years.

Anonymous
RE: observant

I, too, have heard How It Works several thousand times.
I have read it aloud at meetings. I would sometimes stand
and read it loud and clear. I wonder how many alcoholics
I sent to their graves, with that reading.
Very few people fully understand how AA works. Yet we
read HIW claiming that we know. The miracle of our fellowship is that we do not have to understand it for it
to work for us. We only have to be obedient. There is a
method which works. Dr. Silkworth told Bill W. what to
do. (cart before the horse). Bill obeyed, not because he
wanted to, but because he had to, to stay alive. Somehow
the gift of sobriety was shared with Dr. Bob. and to us. I believe it was simply God's Grace, not by works.

Anonymous
Sent to their graves

So if an alcoholic chooses to ignore all of the symptoms of devastation in his life and continue to fuel the disaster with more drinking, the fault lies with AA’s reading a few paragraphs from “Alcoholics Anonymous” in meetings? I thought I was a world champion at blaming others for my problems but that takes the cake.

Anonymous
How I started 34 years ago

This worked for me.
When I wanted to drink I postponed it.
If it's such a good idea today it still will be tomorrow.
One day at a time.
I went to AA meetings regularly.
I read AA books.
I went to speakers meetings.
Today that can be supplemented on line. Search for AA talks.
There are hundreds.
Its not for entertainment. It is to get information that will save your life.
I have a lot in common with a teenage black woman and an eighty year old Indian
if I just listen. If I do what they did, I'll get what they got, good or bad.
I wrote a drinking history. Attempts to control it. The progression.
The money spent. The hangovers. Drunken behavior.
Step one starts with "We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol..."
If we collect a large amount of information about our own drinking
and the drinking and recovery of others and take an honest look at it
we're off to a good start.

Anonymous
how do I work the program

I have been going to aa meetings. Im going on 10 days tomorrow. I have a sponsor but she hasn't done anything yet. Getting down afraid I might drink. So can someone tell me how to work the program

Anonymous
newbie

If drinking today is a good idea. it will be a good idea tommorrow. One day at a time. Sometimes one minute. Hang in there

lb2013
Offline
Joined: 2014-03-31
Work the Program

Glad you are here and glad you are sober. It takes a lot of courage to try AA and to ask someone to be your sponsor.

I wonder if you selected a sponsor who has actually worked the steps. That was important to me. My first sponsor, Tom, used to actually hold the steps in his hands when he shared at meetings. He'd hold his AA "holy card" or sometimes he'd grab a Grapevine from the literature rack to access the steps on the back page. At first I thought he was a nut. But I grew to understand that his program was built on the steps and that he had a solid solution.

Tom IMMEDIATELY got me started on the steps and gave me some instructions, guidelines and assignments based on what he, his sponsor and his home group did. Once per week, I'd attend his (later my) step study group where members urged us along and helped us address questions, problems or obstacles.

I'd keep my eyes & ears open for someone who is working steps or go to a step study meeting.

Anonymous
working the program

Call your sponsor. Go to a meeting and talk to people, about your feelings or just the weather. Call your sponsor again. Just don't drink. If you stay in meetings, stay with your sponsor, go to coffee after, then the answers will come.

Anonymous
How it works...

Do you really believe you are powerless over alcohol and that your life is unmanageable? If you can answer yes, than proceed to step Two. If not read the Doctors Opinion, Bills Story and There is a Solution in the Big Book. If you don't have a Big Book, go to a meeting and buy one, if you can't afford it "borrow" it and return it later. If you still are unconvinced you may not be "ready".

Step two: Do you now believe or are you willing to believe, that there is a power greater than yourself that can solve your problem? I'm not talking about God unless that is the power you think can do the job. Maybe it is AA or your home group. If not, read "We Agnostics". If you have difficulty with your concept of this "Higher Power" be willing to get a new concept, a new idea of this "Higher Power". Don't let this be what kills you. You may need to ask around for some other peoples ideas of where their Power comes from. Just remember, this Power cannot be you or you would have stopped long ago. Try not to get caught up in the details of this Power. When you are ready continue to step 3

Step Three: If we are unable to stop drinking on our own then we must have help. That help must come from a power greater than ourselves. Now we ask for that help. You are going to need your Big Book. Read pages 58 to the middle of 63 where it says, "We were now at Step Three". This is a prayer where we ask this Power to "take away my difficulties". This new found Power can do this because we are going to "offer ourselves" to this Power to "do with me as Thou wilt". I must trust this Power because from this point forward I will be directed by It. Read the paragraph containing the prayer as if you were reading a contract. Now read the paragraph below the prayer. It is a good idea to say this prayer with your sponsor or a close friend on your knees if possible. This helps to remind me that I have come to this point in desperate need of help and that we are willing to do anything for release from alcoholism. When you are read to turn your will and your life over to a Power greater than yourself, say the prayer.

If you have made it to this point and are willing to go further, come back here and let us know. If you do not feel that you can be honest with your current sponsor, start looking for someone that you can be completely and totally honest with. We wish you the best on this most amazing journey. Above all, no matter what happens, "keep coming back!"

Anonymous
Steps

I just read your post about the steps and I want to thank you. I have been away from the program for 3 months and Have drank. I will be going back to mmetings.

Anonymous
AA sponsers

I have been in AA for 15yrs. I know the sponsor will give you a phone number. So if u have been calling the sponsor and no reply...it is perfectly standard to look for another sponsor. Like anything else in life it my take a bit of looking to find the right fit. Good Luck!!

donz061
Offline
Joined: 2013-10-18
how do I work the program

Congratulations on 9 days of sobriety! And congratulations on getting a sponsor as well!
How do you work the program? First and foremost, go to meetings. Go to at least one meeting a day. Do this for 90 days. Early in your sobriety, it's more important that you listen than share at these meetings. Look for similarities rather than differences.
Have you called your sponsor? It's up to you to communicate with her. I was told to call my sponsor everyday and be honest about how I feel and let my sponsor know what I'm doing. So, call your sponsor and let her know your "Getting down afraid I might drink." If you feel your sponsor isn't giving you advice or direction. Tell her goodbye and get another sponsor. We go to meetings and listen to others share. If we can identify with someone, they might be the ideal sponsor. I believe Men should sponsor Men, and Women should sponsor Women.
Next, get a Big Book and start reading it. The first 164 pages are comprised of chapters. Read one chapter a day. The back half of the Big Book is full of stories from fellow AA members. Read one story a day. Talk to your Sponsor about the chapter and story each day.
The Big Book will talk about a Power greater than ourselves. Bring prayer and meditation into your everyday life. Find a Power greater than yourself and start talking to your Higher Power, and start listening to your Higher Power every day. Read page 86 of the Big Book to get an idea about a prayer routine. Research prayer and meditation. Talk to your sponsor other AA members about it.
Start working the steps with your sponsor. There are many ways to work the steps. follow your sponsor's suggestions.
Finally, Be of Service. Again ask your sponsor for suggestions.
This is just the beginning of AA and a new life for you. I wish you the best.

Anonymous
90 in 90

Does anyone know where the phrase "90in90" comes from? I don't recall reading it in the BB or any other literature. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm just wondering where it fits with the program Alcoholics Anonymous, which stems from the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous.

Anonymous
Re How?...we can't tell you how but, share

We can't tell you how. Recovery is different for everyone. We share our individual experiences, strengths and hopes. It sounds like you are in a good place but a little impatient. In AA, we only get one day of reprieve in AA. “One Day at a Time” A crucial component in recovery is to be in the moment and not obsess about “Many Years at a Time.” It’s a foolish waste of energy and it really only serves unhealthy members who seek privilege and status in the rooms. Everyone is in the same boat. Although we arrive to AA from different neighborhoods; we have a common disease and that keeps us united. Forget the bozos who seek rank and position. There is no difference between you and the member with thirty years. Anyone who thinks otherwise is being deceived by their ego. Time in AA does not automatically award someone quality sobriety or instill in them all the inner miracles and wisdoms of the age. I've heard more spiritual insight at times, from the new person than some members with decades. Think of the founders of AA. Bill and Bob were not old timers when they created our foundation for recovery. They only had a few years of sobriety but with that humble start, coupled with an added seventy years of experiences, strengths, and hopes, AA provides a place where spiritual and humanistic therapeutics takes place. A moment of clarity will come to you and the importance of recovery will stick in your heart if you stay away from the first drink. Common adjectives which describe the disease of alcoholism are that it is insidious, cunning, baffling and powerful. Our brains are severely compromised in the beginning but, eventually it will heal and the desire will slip away and you will experience the sunny side of life again. Relax and listen

Anonymous
First things first, call your

First things first, call your sponsor daily. Read the literature.

SMR65
Offline
Joined: 2014-03-05
How do I work the program?

A day at a time. Go to 90 meetings in 90 days. When you go to a meeting open your heart and LISTEN. Pray to set your thinking aside and to have a new experience. Ask for help. Read the Dr's opinion in the Big Book. Just don't drink today. Do it again tomorrow.

davekauz
Offline
Joined: 2014-04-13
we have a basic text book 11 chapters, do what it says to do

these are expanded in the 12x12 and other literature available online and at most all meetings and libraries. contact the people near you and ask for help and get all your questions answered

Anonymous
H.O.W.

When I was new it was frustrating for me because I was looking for a quick and simple solution. Turns out recovery for me has been all about discipline, something that alcoholics of my type resist. Some of the things that helped me in the beginning were these:

1. ask God for help in the morning to stay sober
2. go to a meeting
3. get a sponsor and use that sponsor
4. study the literature; learn about the disease and what we do to recover
5. before going to bed; thank that God for another day sober

Of course there's more, but these 5 simple daily disciplines will get you on the right track.

andrea55
Offline
Joined: 2014-06-30
how do i work the program

My sponsor started me out on calling her every day. That was a big help, although difficult at first. I have 5 monthsof sobriety now. If you are not happy with your sponsor, I suggest you find another one. Some folks I know had to do the same thing. keep going to meetings and talk to other people. That helps too. Get a big book if you don't have one. The best resource for the program.

Anonymous
Re: How

Don't pick up the first drink no matter what. The pain you are experiencing will not kill you. It is typical. Keep an open mind and run with the stuff you hear in the rooms that make sense. Alcoholics are like and act like big babies when they don' have their bottles. Relief will come to you but not as fast as you would like. Sit with the pain and never ever forget it. Good luck.

noduis
Offline
Joined: 2013-09-05
Re: how do I work the program

Get a Big Book, download one until you can buy a had copy. Start at the beginning with an open mind. Follow the 'suggestions' given as well as you can. Remember, you won't be albe to do this perfectly but you shouldn't use that as an excuse to do it sloppily or not at all.
You're post is evidence that you aren't ignorant or learning disabled. Some AAs will try to convince you that you can't take the steps without a sponsor guiding you. Please don't believe them. If/when you have a question any honest AA member will be willing to help you.
Passing on what I was advised when brand new and unable to attend meetings or talk to a recovered alcoholic, "Use your Big Book and a Higher Power."

Anonymous
RE: how do I work the program

I would suppose there are many AA members (teachers/
preachers/sponsors) who will tell you what you must do
(how to work the program).
I had 9-10 days sober many times but it seemed that
the harder I fought the urge to drink, the stronger the
compulsion would become. And I would give in, knowing
that the consequences could be dire. I finally accepted
that liquor was an unbeatable foe. It had a hold on me
that I could not escape from. I had to find a greater
power, something greater than alcohol. I found it in
the rooms of AA. For me the main ingredient is love,
love we have for each other, and eventually for most
of us, love for God. ANONYMOUS

Anonymous
Working the program

Find someone/anyone - male/female that has a longterm track record of continuous sobriety VIA working the 12 Steps of AA with a sponsor and that currently is taking others through the 12 Steps using the Big Book. You may have to take a leap of faith asking for help and tell them (the group) about this message.

Anonymous
Scared & afraid to go to AA

I live in a small town & that makes it hard to trust. I know I don't want to drink anymore, however I've said that countless times over the last few years. I see a therapist weekly & yet I still manage to have a serious episode that lasts about a week now. Just this morning, I'm sneaking out another trash bag before it gets picked up. I went to rehab just over a year ago & felt so strong leaving there. Only today has my boyfriend really seemed committed that he won't drink anymore & I understand that's been diffult for me. After I'm sober a few days, I think I can handle just a couple of drinks, only to end up sick & in bed for days after consuming copious amounts that would freak other people out. Aside from AA, has anything worked for anyone? If AA is the best answer, I'm willing to take chance & go. I'm about over my shame, it's allowing me to contiue drinking myself to death. I want to love life & I have so much to be thankful for.

Anonymous
scared and afraid

we are alcoholic ninjas in that way. sneeking and lying.some of my best experiences happen afte the meetings when people meet and talk outside. i have been so sick after quitting that i made a bed in the bathtub. be strong.

Anonymous
scared to go to aa

there is no shame at aa. i have gone cold turkey and been sick for days. i made a bed in the bathtub. some of the best advice i got was after the meeting when people hang out and feel like real people. i understand the sneaking and lying. we are alcholic ninjas in that way.i had to go to several groups before i found one that fit for me. never give up

quarles
Offline
Joined: 2014-11-13
I encourage you to go to

I encourage you to go to meetings. Your behavior is not unusual. remember the big book says that we all live with the misconception we can drink like other people.

Anonymous
I too was just like you. I

I too was just like you. I used shame as an excuse, I used a small town as an excuse. If you figure you are down with booze, you have to do it for you not for anybody else. I understand copius amounts of booze only to not even get drunk any more but just to manage after work, pass out only to do it again. I use AA and have been sober for 127 days now for the first time since I was 11 and I am now 51. Don't get me wrong I didn't cross over to the land of no return till about 5-6 years ago and the last year has been absolutely awful to the point of quitting and wanting to stay that way.

davekauz
Offline
Joined: 2014-04-13
ask and they will come to you

In most areas you can do the steps online and if you ask you can get people to come visit you or pick you up and introduce you to their friends in the program. Its easier for eye to eye contact in most cases to get through the steps as a way of life the first times. But with all the ways we communicate now, whatever you need to do can work. Of course meetings are the easiest way to gather and exchange ideas and use the program as a group to help others, that's why we have them.

Anonymous
reply to scared and afraid

I get drunk; WE stay sober. Trying to fix this by myself is like taking a knife to a gun fight; I've got no shot. When the pain associated with change looks like a better option than the pain associated with NOT changing; we change, its that simple. In my case I had to start taking actions that I didn't believe in, in order to save myself and for me it worked.....

lb2013
Offline
Joined: 2014-03-31
Scared and Afraid of AA

Thanks for reaching out. I can remember driving to AA meetings and sitting in my car afraid to go in. Truth was, I'd always used alcohol to overcome my shyness or what folks today might call "social anxiety disorder". I needed a couple of drinks to enter a room of strangers and that didn't seem to fit with AA so I'd drive away.

Finally, the pain of alcoholism and the need for recovery became greater than my shyness and I entered. What I found was a room full of people like me. The People in those rooms shared our common problem of alcoholism but they also had a common solution (that I needed) based on the steps of AA.

AA is a program built on love & service. We love each other, we understand each other and we are there to help each other. Now that I know that, I wish I'd have entered the rooms sooner.

Come on in. We are waiting for you with warm hearts and a hot cup of coffee.

Anonymous
RE: Scared and Afraid

AA works for some alcoholics. You have nothing to lose
by trying it. Finding an AA meeting and going through the
doors seems routine to those of us who are familiar with
meetings. I doubt that I would ever have picked up the
phone to find a meeting. A co-worker took me to my first
meeting after a day of drinking.
I really encourage you to make every effort to find
and attend a meeting. It changed my life and helps many
others. Make up your mind to attend six meetings. You
have been to rehab so you must have been exposed to AA.
You have the signs and symptoms of being an alcoholic.
You probably are one of us. Alcohol is a poison for us.
Our bodies cannot tolerate alcohol in any form. Stay
away from it. We will try to show you how we got sober.
Maybe the method will work for you. ANONYMOUS

Anonymous
re scared

It sounds like you have a neon sign over your head showing that you have a problem but you are afraid someone might see you getting help for it.

I've been in AA for 34 years and I've never seen anyone interested in who goes to meetings. Lots read the court reports and see those who need to go but don't. Other people have their own problems and their own lives, they really have other things to think about besides us. AA is only for us that have a drinking problem. You think people say "I was in AA the other night and saw so and so?" How do they explain being there?

Most of us had a dozen reasons for not going but the real one was "This is a step toward giving up alcohol". That's what we are afraid of. AA doesn't work because we learn to go through the rest of life with white knuckles to keep from drinking. It helps build a life free from alcohol that we like.

Since you asked - some churches have started recovery groups. I don't know what their track record is. I bet my life on something that's proven to work and I'm glad I did. Good Luck.

Anonymous
My Experience with Prayer in the Rooms

On prayer, I will say I don’t pray because for me I have to stay sober whether I pray or not. I came to learn that I was not unique in this because I had met others who shared that prayer never worked for them neither. So prayer is not one of my go-to-gadgets in the recovery toolbox but, some day it might be. We have to be flexible and open-minded in the rooms. I don’t recall being told I had to pray in recovery or that prayer was a requirement for membership anyway. While the majority of AA members pray and find it helpful I had to find other tools. There is no shortage of loving support in AA. No one seems to make a big deal out of it but, there were a few misguided and unspiritual bully types that tried. Today, with the help of AA, I’ve learned to live my life with dignity and respect and to treat others the same way. I was told recovery is not rocket science. “You drink, you destroy life”
One other helpful thing I did was to stop attending Step and Big Book study meetings because they had a negative effect on me. This might sound harsh but, those meetings seemed to be overrun with either whiners or bullies. Today, I just attend speaker meetings. I don’t have to hear 30 people proclaim their version of the truth at meetings; just one sincere lead from the heart will perform the daily magic trick I need to stay sober and I always enjoy introducing myself and thanking the speaker after the meeting.

Anonymous
i feel like drinking

I first went to rehab in 2005. The outside world is so scary. Living with a mental illness on top of being an addict and alcoholic, I deal with deep depression. I've been to the psych ward three times in the last three weeks. I want the pain to stop. That's what we all want, right?

I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I want to be committed inpatient so I absolutely cannot drink or what.

any ideas appreciated

Anonymous
I feel like drinking?

Stinking thinking leads to drinking. That is a common saying in my AA circle. We all must start with the thinking because that is the will that you take back when you start to think that you "feel" like drinking. Believe me when I tell you that there is nothing you cannot do if you simply DO NOT DRINK. Bill knew what he was saying when he said, "keep it simple, we just don't drink". How perfect is that? It is not complicated. Everything will fall into place if you just don't drink. I'm sure you know that alcohol is a depressant, so it doesn't take a intellect to know that using a depressant is only going to make you more depressed. On the other hand, if you find a meeting, you may save your life or someone elses. Find another alcoholic and you will find someone who feels just like you. This is a "we" program. You do not have to do this alone. Start with the thinking, and chose a better topic. Start with "hi, my name is ...and I am an alcoholic." Wow, I feel better already....

clu1992
Offline
Joined: 2012-05-30
re anonymous

I don't recall ever hearing or reading that Bill W said "keep it simple, just don't drink" please post where you found this information.
On the other hand, Bill did write that an alcoholic is someone who has lost the ability to control his drinking and at times has no mental defense against the 1st drink. Hard drinkers can "just not drink" alcoholics must drink, otherwise they aren't alcoholic......

Anonymous
re-I feel like drinking?

You feel like drinking? That’s quite an ordinary feeling. We all felt that way especially during withdrawal or when our futures looked ominous due to financial ruin, car crashes, depressions, isolations, DWI’s, domestic abuse, jails, bills and etc. Alcoholism is a brain disorder. We have an illness in which, the majority of us will die for a drink literally. A better life is around the corner if you put the cork in the bottle and fix your brain. The founders of AA initially started the solution ball rolling outlined in a book which is heavily depended on Judeo-Christian values but, this does not make AA religious. Many members had to adjust the founder’s initial visions and some don’t feel they are necessary at all. If you are an alcoholic then you have a responsibility to find out where you fit along the recovery spectrum. The good thing is the spectrum can reach around the world and the solution is never fixed in one place. Drinking will never solve anything but add to the madness. It’s your choice obviously. We can’t, the state can’t, the family can’t and even the god’s can’t make you stop drinking. Recovery is not easy. In the end only a fierce but kind warrior will survive the disease of alcoholism.

Anonymous
feel like drinking (I can relate)

I can relate, my drinking "was a solution" to my complete
inability to cope with life, so for years I couldn't
relate to folks sharing that their drinking "was a problem"
for them. I had to reach a point of complete demoralization
when an inner shift happened and I found myself going to AA meetings with a different attitude. The best way I can put it was that it wasn't about going to AA to quit drinking, it
was more that I found AA to be the only place (for me)
where I found hope and people had gone through what I was
experiencing and come out the other side. I started
saying sober one day at a time and doing the things
that were "suggested" (as its "suggested" that folks
pull the parachute cord when jumping out of an airplane)
found that when not drinking I was suffering from untreated
alcoholism which "was the crux of my problem" and that
when we heal on the inside, the desire to drink leaves..

Anonymous
feel like drinking

My suggestion is to go to an AA meeting as soon as possible and tell the folks you feel like drinking. Best of luck to you

Anonymous
RE Any Ideas--Welcome to AA

In the beginning, withdrawal is overwhelming especially if there is an underlying mental illness issue in which alcohol was used as a self-medicating agent. If this will help, the rooms are full of duel diagnosed individuals recovering from alcoholism. Many professionals estimate that 75%-80% of alcoholics have an additional mental health factor which requires outside help. The founder of AA suffered from chronic depressions which required outside treatment and this is all documented and should demonstrate clearly that you are not alone. The physical aspects of withdrawal are awful but, the mental fallout can even be worse especially if a mental illness is piggybacking on top of it. Drinking won’t help at all. When I entered the rooms I had extreme social anxiety and depression coupled with PTSD and childhood trauma. I didn’t know the extent of my mental illness until I was sober 12 years. At that time, I was barely showing up in life and failing at everything. Although I was not drinking and active in my home group inside was this quiet desperation. While others accepted their mental illness and received proper help I was in denial. I finally faced the truth and in my experience prayer and the steps weren’t going to cure me from the madness inside my head. I needed professional help outside of AA in combination with meetings. I guarantee you will experience a new freedom and happiness but, as in my case it won’t happen overnight. You are not unique but, a typical alcohol on the road to a sober and fulfilling life. Join the fellowship and save a life.

Anonymous
Making the most of your sobriety.

I am a young man, and most of the people my age are still heavily into their drinking and party phases. I however, have taken it upon myself to give up alcohol. Not because I was a person who couldn't live a day without it, my condolences to those of you who struggle with that. Although, with that being said, I was never a person who could drink normally and without incidents occurring.

I am constantly baffled with the question of what I am going to do with my time and where I am going to spend my friday nights. My friends harass me all the time about my sobriety, telling me that 1 drink is not going to hurt anything; but it will. I have taken it upon myself to embrace this sobriety, to expand my horizons and fill my life with new hobbies and activities that don't revolve around the bar scene or alcohol in general.

Since I have started to do these new things, I have made new friends and even found myself involved in a nice new relationship. I have began to become involved more so with the program of AA, making friends with old timers, and not being so stubborn about taking some advice and guidance.

With the absence of alcohol, my mind is much clearer. No, not all of the problems in my life are solved, and there are still things that I have to deal with on a daily basis. It is amazing how much easier these day-to-day problems become to handle when you aren't hungover and trying to deal with them.

That's all I have to share today! Wishing everyone another 24, one day at a time.

Anonymous
Making the most of your sobriety

I started drinking in college and by the end
of the 4 year period, I believe I had crossed the
"invisible line" into active alcoholism i.e. I could
not predict with any degree of certainty when or how
much I would drink. In hindsight, I'm very grateful
for the DUIs u got when I was in early 20's which
caused me to look at my drinking and get into the
program 3 months before age 30 (saving me
"from 20 or 30 years of literal hell")

Post new comment