Burning Desire to Share
Yes, this question is another of those intruding
rituals which has appeared in the past two decades.
At least at meetings I have attended in the Northeast.
When it first began, the question was "Does anyone have
any burning desires? I would raise my hand and say "I have
had a burning desire since I was about 12 years old".
If a meeting is properly conducted, there is no
reason a member, who needs to, has not had a chance to
share, unless it is a speaker only meeting.
I have a lot of opinions about lots of customs, and
this is another one I consider nonsense. ANONYMOUS
I am dealing with alot today. My emotions are a jumbled mess. I am tired.
You must be sponsored to not know your living it, try to let go and let God if you are not to far conditioned.
"I am dealing with a lot today. My emotions are a jumbled mess. I am tired."
Response - Welcome, I was tired too.
I can certainly identify. But it will all be
OK in the end. All will be well in the end.
If it is not well, it is just not the end. Rose
an old timer named bud told me that if i am dealing with alot and having urges and ready to give up read page 417 of the big book acceptance read it a few times it works !!!! our big book is the most wounderful tool teaches us how to live sober and how to deal with everyday occurances wow what a powerfull book
I have been in and out of aa for years, but still i don't fit in. I live on the streets and i have next to nothing. The only thing i have is a desire to stay sober. Sometimes i do feel out of place at the meetings,so mostly i remain quiet and just listen. I'm still sober,and i have along way to go on this road of sobriety. But just for today, i trust in my higher power to keep me sober.
Don't worry A.A. is tailored made to fit anyone these days !!!
Oh, you fit in! You need just one small beginning to increase your fitting in on a daily basis. Page 58,"....develop a manner of living..." That's it! Thanks, Corky S. 7-8-71
i once felt the same way as fitting in aa i was living in a run down hotel when i was introduced to aa i came in with my head hanging low i felt like everyone was better than me and that none of them had been as far down the scale as me. i later found out that it was my shame,guilt and remorse and i thought that people were looking at me and judging me for my past when after all it was me judging me for my past. how did i get past all this and learn to love myself and allow others to love this loner. i worked the steps and got into service work and finally found someone to trust and talk to slowly i started to come out of my shell and today i fit in at aa meetings because i am an alcoholic and just another drunk in a chair sharing my experience so that another alkie may find a way out of that deep black pit of alcoholism hang in there and put your hand out andsomeone will grab it
This is Byra esha from India and i am an Alcholic
Today i want to share that i am most resentful about my wife,because always she wants me to be perfect and away from alcohol, before coming to AA Program ie., in the year 2008 i didn't knew about the disease of alcoholism and the power of Steps which is very much useful for a person like me.
Here i say and share that first half of the first step is very much acceptable to me and clearly follows the next sentence that my life is unmanageable, i honestly accept this really 28 years of my drinking took me to great depths from which i was not able to getup and move. Many times even great Psychiatrist were of no useful to me, but aa did it for me for the first 15months i got out of my finance trouble.and also from my taxes. really after this one day my idiot way of thinking of my self will i took the first drink really it damaged me spiritually,mentally,and finally i got the best rewards is resentment,reservation,self centered,fellow.which was really not acceptable words to me. After 2 or 3 months repeatedly taking alcohol like binging for 10days or 15days.that made me to land up with criminal case against me with the local politician.on that when police called me i was not in a mood to accept my faults or mistakes but finally an sponsor who is in the program for past 22years made me to think.. think,, and finally i accepted i was freed without any penalty or without any punishment that day really GOD worked for me.after that i was sober for further 13months i relapsed after this incident i am frequently going for binge which is affecting my work my relationship,with brothers,especially wife and my son now i am working in remote area where there is no aa meetings but i can go through ishare which i was not tried today i tried and i am really feeling light as i started to type my sharing , really alchol played and won my life and i had become his pal really honestly,1000times i repeat that alcohol is most powerful,cunning, and baffling.
You have the courage to stay sober. God helps those who help themselves. Stay strong brother......by asking for help and doing whatever it takes to not isolate. Read page 449. Acceptance. Peace John W
You have the courage to stay sober. God helps those who help themselves. Stay strong brother......by asking for help and doing whatever it takes to not isolate. Read page 449. Acceptance. Peace John W
If you are thinking of drinking wait a short distance. Let time pass and the road to serenity take you by the coat tails. Buckle up, it's the law. Think before you drink. Your name some meaning to others. Have tried, no one knew to tie a shoe.
This is a first for me. I am excited to share some experience with you. I live in Central Minnesota in the United States. My last drink was august 15, 1992.
Sounds like you are started in the right direction. If you have the book Alcoholics Anonymous try to apply the directions outlined for our program. If you don't have it you can find it digitally by using a search engine of your choice.
Once you have the book, there is a chapter called to the wives. It lists 4 types of drinkers and also will help you and your wife to a better understanding.
Best wishes to you,
I’m done with AA. Anybody wanna talk me out of it?
I’ve been going to meetings for 2 months now. At first, I was very glad to be a part of a group that was just like me. These people were going to help me out of a 20yr long addiction to booze. I went meetings where they TALKED about being a family, they TALKED about how great the program is, they TALKED about how they have changed. I’m thinking they just like to TALK.
Nobody has helped me. Nobody has reached out to me. There is one guy who has called me, but it is because the old guy in the group has demanded that he “call me” as a part of HIS recovery!
What the hell???
I tried, I realized that I needed to reach out. I need to ask for help rather than just sit in meetings. So, I started looking for someone to be a sponsor, who can I reach out to? My 1st choice was someone who seemed to say things I thought was intelligent, so I watched as they said “who in here is willing to become a sponsor” – I swear he raised his hand until he saw me watching. Then he never raised his hand again at future meetings.
Undaunted (ok a little daunted), I started to look again (maybe a little more careful this time). I heard a few statements from a guy that I really related with. I got the feeling that he was someone that everyone in the group trusted. After much thought, I decided that I would ask this person to be my sponsor.
I planned on going to the meeting last night, but instead I got drunk. Just before the meeting time, I thought about reaching out. I found the phone #’s that I had received from my 1st meeting 2 months ago, I debated with myself on what I would say & respond with (until the point of time when the meeting started). I told myself I would call him when the meeting ended. I had his phone # right in front of me last night, but then decided that I shouldn’t try to talk with someone while I was drunk. They wouldn’t like it, and I wouldn’t remember it anyway. (my point is that I’m struggling, and trying)
This morning, I went to the store. Guess who I bumped in to? My potential sponsor! I thought it was fate – this is a sign, he’s going to help me! For a brief moment, I had hope. However, this guy who I had respected, totally dissed me (I will leave out details), but he basically walked away from me & told me to call him.
I was raised in church, but in my twenties, I stopped going. I was tired of the hypocrisy. I see the same in my AA group & I see no reason to continue. To sum up my feelings, every group, whether AA, church, or whatever, is made up of people. And people suck! I’m tired of being around people. I’m drinking again, and it feels good, it’s more comfy than the past few months.
Go to a different meeting, not all meetings are the same.
Reach out and ASK for help! You have to be an active participant in your recovery.
Start Reading the Big Book, look for BBSS meetings. Start with the Dr.s Opinion.
Don't take yourself or others so seriously. We all have issues, and some are better with out reach than others.
Do you know what Bill W. did when he found himself
wanting to drink after four months of sobriety? He sought
out another alcoholic to try to help. He was aware that by
trying to help other alcoholics, he had been able to remain
sober. Although Bill had been unsuccessful at helping
any other alcoholics to recover, Bill did stay sober
himself. Suppose Bill had just picked up a drink instead
of picking up that phone in the hotel lobby. AA may
have been started at another time or another place. Maybe.
Before Bill left for Akron, Ohio, Dr Silkworth had
given Bill some good advice about how to help another.
Bill wrote several times that without this advice AA
could never have been born. Dr. Silkworth advised Bill
to stop preaching to the alcoholic. You are pushing them
away by trying to tell them what to do, or telling them
what they must do. Just tell them what you were like,
what you did and what happened to you. Let the new
person know that your attempt to help them is how you
stay sober. And end it there, without making any
demands, recommendations, etc. Just share your
own story. Most alcoholics will respond to that
Bill W. had to search out alcoholics to try to
help. You know where to find them. At AA meetings.
There are usually new and old members who need help.
I have found that by trying to help others, many times
just "lending an ear", has kept the desire to drink
away for over four decades. You can possibly help to
save a life, which otherwise might be lost.
You may notice that I did not advise you to do
90 in 90, get a sponsor, work those steps or find God and find Him NOW. You may decide to do some of these things later. This advice may seem a little strange. Alcoholism
is strange. Why would anyone pour a liquid down their
throat, causing so much misery and death? And misery to
those around us. ANONYMOUS
Part of the problem that I read in your post is that you are still living with what most of us went through. Selfishness, self-centeredness, if everyone would just do as I wish, life would be grand.
My suggestion is if you have been drinking heavily for 20 years or more, you may want to find yourself a good hospital to detox. Once you have the alcohol out of your system in a medically safe environment, you may be more receptive to what you hear at the meetings.
I applaud those people who can go to AA straight from the bottle. For myself, I was afraid that I would have a stroke, a grand mal seizure, or countless other medical problems. From my rehab, I started going to AA because I chose to go.
I have 3-1/2 years sobriety and I drank for almost 37 years. I have never looked back. The steps brought me to a new understanding of God and myself.
Good luck. I hope that you can do it on your own, but for most, it is a road that is mostly unsuccessful.
sounds like YOU expect a lot from other people to keep YOU sober. what are YOU doing for YOUR own recovery! (P.S, it won't feel good and be comfy for long!)
Enjoy the comfy drinking---if you are honest with yourself and are "really" an alcoholic---it will not work for any time. The comfy feeling will pass soon and you will be even more lost than you felt in AA. Give yourself a chance. If you put half as much energy into being sober in AA as you give alcohol---you never have to--or will want to drink again. Be one who carries the message of hope. Not one of failure. NOBODY can make you sober......or drunk! It is up to you.
From the big book in the acceptance portion it talks about, once I began living in the solution, the compulsion to drink was lifted.
Remember: Half measures avail us nothing. We are constitutionally incapable of being honest with ourselves. Alcohol is but a symptom. I have a thinking problem as well as a drinking problem. My mind is out to kill me.
One can only lay these spiritual priciples at your feet. It is up to you to pick them up.
I work my own program, only, not someone else's. You'll have to work your own. Sounds like what you got ain't working.
Insanity is repeating the same thing over and expecting a different outcome. Why not try something else!
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Hello, My name is Zeke and I am a Alcoholic, This program is for People who want it, and are willing to go to any length to get it, and hold on to it. Not everyone in AA is perfect, You don't have to keep your sponsor, you can fire him. But before you do that sit down and think about it, and talk to your Higher power about it, and read the Big Book too. Zeke
I stopped going to church at one point in my life also,I used the hyprocrisy thought process as well.so for twenty five years i got the opportunity to be "MY" higher power and what a mess that turned out to be. at first i thought i was doing a pretty good job,and as time passed and my drinking progressed (which it always does)things began to crumble loss of jobs(always someone elses fault)divorce (her fault after all she filed not me)strained realationships with my children (they don't understand me)i could go on,my point being as long as i am willing to blame everyone else for my problems,and i just want to sit in my warm dirty diaper and pout, drinking looks pretty good, and if it's more research we need that choice is ours as well.church is full of sinners and A.A.is full of sick people trying to get better.God is in both waiting for us,if we seek him with half the effort we seek self destruction.we soon find that he is there to heal us through people just like us.i sometimes think people suck and when i do God reminds me that i'm a people too!"seek and you shall find,knock and the door shall be opened!God Bless.
if and when you finally want something different an drinking no longer feels great. give aa a chance to work im sure i gave alcohol 30 yrs of my life and i was unwilling to give aa a chance to work even our cofounder struggled the first couple of years it was suggested to me to give aa two years with an open mind and some work and if i didnt feel better i could trade it back in for the misery i was living in. just give it a fair chance like you did the drinking. ( the only thing that will keep a man in everlasting ignoranceis contempt prior to investigation)page567&568 in big book. willingness is the KEY
Hey..we are a group of basically dysfunctional individuals, don't take it the wrong way if one person dys-ses you. people have good moods and bad moods, its awesome that even a few people were helpful to me when I joined as I was a cynical edgy person and those people had nothing to gain but they still reached out. Say some positive things about the program and ask a few people if they can meet for coffee sometime, and then ask them to be your sponsor if you feel you can get along or else ask them who else you they might recommend you ask.
Quote: "I’m done with AA. Anybody wanna talk me out of it?"
Why should anyone want to talk you out of it? You've already made up your mind, now it sounds like you're not asking for help, you're looking for an argument.
There's a line in the Big Book that says, "No probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism." Those alcoholics who get and stay sober (and enjoy it) haven't turned their will and lives over to a sponsor, they turned it over to what they understood as a Higher Power and they took the steps.
Carrol O'Connor once said, "Every alcoholic gets a sobriety date. For some it's written in icing on a cake. For others it's chiseled in granite on a tombstone."
I chose the icing.
Hi, I am not an alcoholic but I am definitely a big addict, without going into details. As an addict, I have strong biased beliefs about myself and about others. These beliefs, of course, include the belief that I am a bad person and that I don't deserve other's help. This is very frequent. I constantly think that people are judging me, I constantly feel attacked by people. This obviously comes from the relationship that I had with my parents, and it takes time to see these things and slowly accept to change ones mind, and accept that are vision of things is biased and just give up our judgements. I also have problems at work, my boss actually praises my work, but every day I worry to be fired, I worry that I am not as good as he wants me to be, I worry that he is nice just to push me to do better, well... this is totally crazy, and I suffer of anxiety from all these fears. I interpret every sign into an evidence that everybody is judging me. This is part of the suffering that causes me to seek for relief in my addiction. Another of these biased beliefs is that others are "perfection" and I am shit. Actually, nobody is perfect and nobody has to be perfect. Thinking that others are perfect and you are shit can lead to different conclusions : that you have to please them all the time and if they judge you they are necessarily right, or that if they make mistakes it means that they are bastards because they are perfect and thus necessarily controlling the outcomes of all their actions. But actually nobody does. People in recovery are not perfect, they are just getting better. "Progression and not perfection" as they say.
As for myself I have a sponsor. He is the first guy who told me "hi" as I arrived for the meeting, and he sounded helpful. He did not raise his hand when they asked for potential sponsors. But I liked him and I asked him anyway. He agreed to be a temporary sponsor. The reason why he did not raise his hand was not because he did not like the newcomers. He actually made a suicide attempt a few months before, he was just afraid of not being a good model for a newcomer and he also had already a lot of worries for himself and was probably afraid to care for someone else. But so far he has been awesome and I really have learnt a lot from him.
But I totally understand your point. Sometimes I have the impression that people are judging me even sometimes when they see me for the first time. And sometimes it is true, they are judging me (but most probably not as often as I always think...) and if they are it could be because of their own problems, because of their own biased beliefs. Because they are just like me, they are not perfect. And sometimes I do judge people myself, just like them.
As for your last point, you are right. The addiction brings pleasure. And it brings it now. This is the same for all of us. And it is after that that troubles start. And we choose recovery because the troubles make our lives unmanageable. And it always ends up making our lives unmanageable, and often the lives of our friends and families too. I promise that the shitty feelings that you feel when you start recovery, like the relationship problems with others, are nothing compared to the troubles that are waiting for you. But we automatically run away from these feelings. These shitty feelings of being judged are usually exactly the reason why we are addicts in the first place.
I wish you good luck and I hope you will go back to meetings. Most of the awesome persons that I have met there are just like you. Sometimes they went to meetings and had quit and went back to the addictions sometimes for some years, just to verify that their life would become even more unmanageable. That's what my sponsor did. And then they came back, and they continue to make mistakes sometimes, but these are the people from which I learn. They are just like me and you and they felt exactly the same as you and me.
Living life on life' terms is hard. If i'm to stay sober today, then i must learn to accepted the things i cannot change, and change the things that i can.
I feel about the sameway that you do. But i know that drinking only makes things worst--alcohol is never a solution, if you're an alcoholic, like me.
What i am learning to do now today, is to, examine my own motives and actions. Why do i do the things i do? Why do i feel the way i feel?
Keep coming. Remember that expectations are resentments in advance. You might need a new meeting. I am not sure where you live, but I am in Connecticut and we have 1800 separate meetings each week, just keep looking until you find one that suits you. A good way to meet people is to make coffee, simple and easy and gets you involved.
To summarize: There are many groups, find one that fits you, and I would strongly advise to discontinue drinking, because the disease does not weaker with time, it gets stronger.
The steps are simple clear how can we help you?
Need someone to convince you, your an alcoholic? Step1
Need someone to make you believe in God? Step 2
What are you coming to get here? A sponsor to be your mommy or daddy? What?
A.A. is not for people who need it, it's for people who want it and it's FREE, just trust in God and clean house who can do that for you? YOU.
Most alcoholics who approach A.A. today respond the
same way as you have. Many members may say, that is just an opinion, but I have seen too many alcoholics go back to
drinking after we fail to help them.
You are just one of the few who have the means to tell
us that we have failed you. And it is true, We have failed
to help you. It is not you who has failed. You came to us for help, and kept trying.
The reason for our failure is simply that we of A.A,
just do not know how to help you. Instead of helping you,
we have pushed you away by our ignorance. Most A.A. members
of today do not understand the method of helping the suffering alcoholic approaching us. This method is explained in detail on page 70 in our history book,
Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age. The method of truly
reaching the heart of the suffering alcoholic is found
in Dr. Silkworth's "cart before the horse" IDEA.
At today's AA meeting a newcomer is told Get a sponsor!
The sponsor will show you how to "work" the program. Yet
the Big Book tells us that probably no human power could
have relieved our alcoholism. Many AA members today think
they can do just that.
This idea of asking at a meeting, Who is available to
be a sponsor, raise your hand, is just insane. Assigning
sponsors is a thing of the new cult religious PROGRAM.
We push alcoholics away by that method. This stuff has
been posted all over the I-SAY FORUM, THANKS to I-SAY
and the persistent "outside sponsorship" poster.
The new member ought to have complete freedom
to chose his/her own sponsor. But don't expect the
"sponsor" to save you. That is the job of the Higher
Power. I call Him God, but you are at liberty to just
use the Group. We sober members of AA just do not have
the power to save you. But little by slowly, I believe
that the group can "save you" and you will be able
to use your experience to help other suffering alcoholics.
You know what not to do.
Thank you for writing. Maybe some more of us will
wake up to the fact that the AA of today is just too
restrictive. One of our leaders who retired in the mid
1980's used the word rigidity. It had already started 25
years ago and has intensified. If you can't bring yourself
to return to AA, just do not give up on trying to become
sober. I am convinced that sobriety is better than living
as an active alcoholic. Especially if you have family
or others depending on you. Sure, liquor does bring some
periods of relief, but the price is too high. And being
progressive, the price gets higher. ANONYMOUS
Have you ever read chapter 5 from the big book? It says something to the effect of rarely have we seen a person fail who has thorougly followed our path.
When I hear that read I usually think, rarely have we seen a person "follow our path."
I have seen meetings where members talk the talk. It's easy to do. In fact when I started out I repeated all the catch phrases my sponsor said.
The meetings helped me stay away from the first drink. After awhile I started to feel horrible. Thats when I realized what the big book was talking about when it said alchohol is but a symptom. I drank because I didn't feel right inside. When I drank I temporarily felt ok. I just couldn't hold on to that feeling.
I found a sponsor who works the steps. we started working the steps in the big book. Shortly there after I started to attend big book meetings where the program, not the fellowship was discussed.
What happend is amazing. I started to lose interest in myself and gain interest in others. turns out my trouble all along had been that I always put myself first. Thats why my soul felt soooooo empty. I didn't try to be less selfish, It just came as a result of practicing the progam of AA as written in the big book.
There are a lot of different meetings and groups out there. Keep going to different groups until you find one that actually works and teaches the program of aa. If you read the AA pamphlet "the AA Group", it says the sole purpose of an AA group is the teaching and practice of AAs 12 steps.
It sounds like the meetings you have been to are not even AA even though they may call themselves that.
Get your nose into that book Alcoholics Anonymous and that will protect you from all the foolishness you see around you.
Good luck and God Bless you.
Why do you suppose that Bill W. wrote so many times
that the teaching and practice of AA's twelve steps is
the sole purpose of the AA Group. Why didn't Bill say
that it is the purpose of each individual AA member to teach and practice the steps? ANONYMOUS
Perhaps when your ready to stop, you will try again, but this time, call that number before you pick up that drink. There isn't much anyone can do to help another unless they are willing to put some recovery before the drink.
Perhaps the person you ran into knew you drank and is just waiting for you to be done ?
As for groups, if you don't like a particular group, you are not locked into only one group - you can go to another group. I went to many groups before I found one that fit me just right. Don't give up on yourself. You can do this.
I have met a lot of folks in AA who talk a better program than they work, and maybe it was for that reason I did not ask anyone to be my sponsor until 6 months or so into sobriety. Until then, I went to a lot of meetings and listened, and through that and through seeing which of the people actually practiced outside AA what they preached inside was able to find someone I thought was a pretty straight shooter.
But it sounds like you want to drink anyway, so a sponsor isn't going to do you any good at this point, other than to point out the obvious: if you want to stop drinking, don't pick up the first drink, find a meeting you are comfortable in and go as often as you need to to be reminded that taking a drink isn't a good idea for an alcoholic. And report back on how the drinking is going for you.
But sometimes people talk about the good in an attempt to convince themselves and make it easier. They just want to do things better, even if sometimes they don't do it right. But a 12 steps meeting isn't supposed to be full of perfect people. It is full of people in recovery, it is full of everybody's defects and qualities. They do as they want and you do as you want and everything is fine as long as nobody judges anybody. Just do your stuff, help others and get help and stay open minded about others and yourself.
Well, actually you don't need to stop drinking to start to recover. Stopping to drink will be necessary but you don't need to wait for it to start to recover. You can go to a meeting and tell all the mistakes you made the day before. Talking about it helps, "just" talking really does help. Most often, we come to meetings because we cannot stop drinking. If the solution was "obvious" that you just have to stop, if it was as simple as that, we wouldn't need any meeting.
We cannot wait for recovery to start to go to meetings. Some of us would wait forever.
The job of a sponsor is not just to tell you "it is obvious, you have to stop". "I just have to stop" is what we all tell to ourselves without going deeper in the problem. We assume we know the solution when we don't understand the problem yet, and this is why we are addicts and why we cannot stop being addicts.
Being new to AA, I am just learning how to do the steps, the 12 & 12, the 5 alive, the traditions and the principals. I have been without alcohol for 33 days today. I dont really have the desire to drink. But I am feeling a profound sense of isolation from my old life. For example, today my internet provider was out, so I could not work until it came back online. I stayed in bed. I tried to read the Big Book, but found myself distracted by the random thoughts congesting my brain. After a few hours, I just gave up and even though the internet came back online, I didnt work. I stayed in bed all day. I didnt go to my meeting at 6PM. I felt immobilized. It is like a deep depression. A big black hole that I step into some days. I found the Grapevine tonight and listened to an audio and it helped me to write this. I am hoping someone out there is listening. I am feeling alone, and it is late. I dont want to call and wake my sponsor, because I am not having a desire to drink. Is that the only time to call a sponsor? Or can I call if I am lonely and afraid. My brain is all screwed up, I have come to discover. I know I should have made myself get out of bed and work. But how do I do that. Prayer? Prayer for the strength to get up and get moving? Thank you for being there and listening to me tonight.
I have those days myself. I've suffered with depression for years. It gets the better of me sometimes, and those racing thoughts that are associated with it keeps me up at times.
You might ought to seek help, if it sticks around for too long. I can tell you from experience that it can and will lead you back to drinking, if left untreated.
Unfortantantly some of us suffer with mental illness, as well as alcoholism.
Please excuse me if I seem to be nitpicking, and please excuse my ignorance, but what is the 'five alive'?
Yes, what is the five alive?
Yennayee, I have been in the program since 1995. I live in a suburb of Chicago.
That big black hole you refer to I like to call Satan. Satan doe not want to see you succeed. In fact Satan wants you dead.
I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me in my life.
Whenever I get in these moods, I go to a meeting, or pick up that 300 pound phone and call someone.
Believe me, youull be glad you did.
Hang in there.
Hi, I guess I'm just putting this out there, mostly because I need an outlet for my sick mind, and because I've been obsessing and obsessing and obsessing over stuff that I know I have absolutely no control over, but I entered AA because I wanted my ex back, and it absolutely enrages me that she doesn't want me back. God, it sounds terrible, writing these words. How selfish and self entered I am... How do you deal with the emotional wreckage that accompanies your very possible spiritual awakening? How do you know if you have has a spiritual awakening? Some days i think ive gotten it, and some days I think I haven't. I just celebrated nine months of sobriety, and I'm still an emotional mess. When does the pain stop? When does the healing begin? I want a guarantee on this thing, or I'm really scared I won't make it. I fled from life for many years, and my ex was my shelter from the rain and upheaval of life, I felt safe with her, and she left me because of my using. How can I make it up to her? When does this all begin to feel better?
Hi, i am a love addict. You might want to look into that addiction too. An addiction usually does not come alone. For me, having a girlfriend was like the solution to all my problems in life. I was always caught in fantasies about having a girlfriend, sometimes when a girlfriend was leaving me it felt like I was dying. I needed a girlfriend to be whole, because I felt empty inside. This was really killing me. Having a girlfriend (or most often making fantasies about it, in my case) was my addiction. I needed it so badly, it is so difficult to describe. As you say, there was something selfish in that. But it is really difficult to see it for some people. I go to sex and love addicts anonymous meetings. There are usually several people who are also alcoholics at these meetings. And meetings work for that too.
But this is just a possibility. I don't know you. But it never hurts to learn about something.
And for your question, I have been in the program for 3 months now. And I already feel so much better. But don't mistake "feeling better" for "feeling no pain at all". Because the latter is just in our dreams. Nothing gets perfect, for anybody. And learning to accept it is part of the recovery. Just don't give up.
My experience is that if I turn these types of things over to God, he will take care of it. First you have to trust God. His will for you will take you down the right path. The more you do this the more you will see what God can do for you. You will see your trust in God grow and then you will be open to seeing how God is working in your life.... AKA... spiritual awakening.
After all is it not your will that got you where you are today? Let go and let God. Do not resist change. Let it happen. If it is Gods will that you are to be in this relationship it will come back to you in time. Your actions are the only thing that will bring her back.....if it is Gods will. But regardless if she come back or not your actions will shine a light that others will see and will attract the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with.
Let go and let God.
You have alot of questions - all good - and are clearly in pain. You've raised many issues. First though is: Are you an alcoholic? You say you entered into AA "to get the ex back". Leaving that mission aside for now, as the results may have nothing to do with your sobriety/AA etc, was your life manageable while drinking as you were?
Could you connect many/most of your problems to your excessive drinking? And once you have had a drink is it difficult to control it from becoming excessive?
My hunch is you have had, and are having, a spiritual awakening - the evidence is that you are trying, ever so hard, to remain sober.
Spiritual experiences need not be entered into with a specific, tangible outcome. That's more the realm of our drinking/using days when we controlled the input and outcome. Once we recognize that jig is up, we are moved often to more adult notions of acceptance of any outcome, serenity with less-than-perfect results in a given situation.
You are still a newbie, like me. I gotta trust the wisdom of those with alot of time and those outside the program that simply get this way of living. You have every reason to have confidence that, while you can't CONTROL everything, you can MANAGE anything that comes your way, so long as you are sober and and willing to accept the simple gifts that life affords, and AA illustrates so well. js in nova
Sometimes they return. Many times they don't. Relationships
are our greatest problems, in and out of the fellowship. But
I have known MANY who have stayed sober regardless. Some
find others, some live alone. Some just stay in relationships although they are unhappy; There are worse
conditions than being alone. To me, when you use the word
"using", I assume you are also addicted to drugs.
We have many addicts today who are trying to stay clean.
Make an effort to understand them and help them, on a
one to one basis. You can help where no one else can. That
is how Bill W. stayed sober for the first six months,
by trying to help other alcoholics, Even though Bill was
using the wrong approach, and helped not one, Bill stayed
sober by trying to help others. We are not preachers, teachers, or advisors. We are fellow sufferers who need each other. Our aim is to help each other, not for any
personal gain. ANONYMOUS
You ask, "How do you know if you have has a spiritual awakening?"
I don't know what your program has consisted of in the nine months you've been in AA but I know what mine was. I had my spiritual awakening "...as the result of these steps."
I didn't get it by doing ninety in ninety, I didn't get it by calling a sponsor every day, I got it by doing what someone suggested, I used my Big Book and a Higher Power. That gent didn't tell me to read the book or to study it, or even have someone interpret it for me, but to use it. My suggestion to you is to try that.