Burning Desire to Share

2030 replies [Last post]
P64A16
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Joined: 2014-01-26
Grief

I can relate to your story. My husband had a major stroke June 19, 2010 and passed away June 25, 2010. I was blessed to have a sponsor who had lost her husband quickly, however it had been about 9 years. One day I could not function and reached out for help through the hospice group which my husband had been under their care. They had just started a grief support group. The support group were 3 women and we had all lost our husbands within 6 weeks of each other. The other big key was action to take. When the pain was so great, the Chaplin had another assignment. Know 3 1/2 years later, I know God has been there each and every time I reached out for helped.

Anonymous
Grief

My son was murdered 15 years ago. I felt responsible for his death (I didn't protect him) and howled for a year solid. When that settled down I was extremely angry and prone to go off. I stopped attending meetings regularly for 7 years, but kept up the group sessions I had started with my health care provider. I had started my recovery with these folks and felt very safe and respected. I did not feel safe at AA because I might jump across the table at some idiot " just trying to help" with some inane advise. I was extremely angry ( did I already mention that?). My therapist that had helped me early on in sobriety saw us for a year, no charge, and helped my wife and I walk thru the grief. My wife couldn't stand some of the intense feelings and got trapped in depression. My son just fell asleep at the sessions and stopped going so he could medicate himself (he is now one of us). I worked as hard as I could. Still had the anger raging, still coming out, though it did calm down with time. After 7 years of banging away at it, I got back to the rooms. There I ran into a man who had been through and was going through much worse (bone cancer, sent home to die 4 times, had a relationship with his God) and he agreed to be my sponsor. Soon after that, I lost my job and had about a year to work the steps thoroughly with him. We talked a lot about God, why does He " let bad things happen to good people", et al. He taught me to really give my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. Surrender is the key for me; stop trying to figure out how to get even, feel the feelings and let 'me go ( resentments are to feel again life and keep them looping through) and get back in the service thing.
Even with all Hell breaking loose around me, I have slowed down. I have had to see that not only learning and practicing forgiveness to the murderer of my son was necessary, learning and practicing forgiveness of myself (acceptance) was absolutely vital. The why of it is not my business, it is above my pay grade. But as I have done my best to practice the principles in all my affairs, God has seen fit to illuminate those things He knows I need to know (a little glimpse through a glass darkly). Icing on the cake. And I am almost giddy these days, sometimes, because I have learned to love. My son has come along (5 years and counting), my wife came alive after the birth of our first grandchild (didn't see that one coming), all in all, not a bad gig, but there was a lot of darkness along the way. And who's to say something else won't happen? That is not my business. As I have heard before, sobriety is patient progress punctuated by heavy setbacks. I am just thankful that God kept me sober and I can share my experience, strength and hope with another.God built the strength in me, I just kept tugging at the oars.

Hatmama
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Joined: 2014-01-19
Grief

Yes, I have experienced much the same. It was more than 20 years ago, I was 7 years sober. My program friends were very helpful and supportive, but after a time they didn't understand that I was still vulnerable and sad. They wanted me to return to the person who did not cry, who could find her way across town without getting lost, and who was not still frequently a mess. Thankfully I found a grief recovery group which helped more than I could imagine. I began to be able to go to meetings without crying. Therapy and expressing my feelings in art and writing helped. Time helped. Staying sober and having sober friends helped most of all.

Anonymous
grief

I lost husband, mother and brother in just a couple years. I took care of all of them. There were times when I couldn't pray and times when I was dead inside. I really had to allow myself to go through the stages including anger at God, aging and disease, as well as family for leaving me.

An inventory of what ticks me off really does help. It means pulling out the stops and just being honest about how I hated this or that aspect of what they went through or what I went through.
It certainly wasn't in my plans to go through all that and have none of them left to hug me when it was over. I have learned that sometimes I am too restricted to let myself be as I am and to feel and think freely. Sometimes I numb out so I won't feel the waves of grieving but that just makes it worse when I do feel.
And it is scarey to be angry with God. But I found out that God allows and understands it.
I also found that making entries in a gratitude journal several times a day was helpful. I started with thanks for my sobriety and that I'm not hugging a toilet puking my guts out.
But the most important thing was finding the willingness to move forward and to allow other events and activities to be my focus. Finding a way to be of service and practicing gratitude while doing that service helped. Praying for others who are suffering helped too.

bradpearso
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Joined: 2014-01-17
Grief

I've heard it said many times in meetings, "Expectations are basically premeditated resentments." As I read your share, it seems that you've been EXPECTING friends and family to continue to talk about your beloved, late husband; and that you've also been EXPECTING to feel God's guidance and direction in your life the way you're used to feeling it, the latter in spite of your hurting heart. All I can say is that when my expectations have led to resentments, then feelings of emptiness and even anger are often the result. I love and appreciate YOU for your honesty and vulnerability, and thank you for helping keep ME sober today.

Suzi1L
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Joined: 2013-12-17
Grief

The spirituality will come back in time; don't try to force it. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Stay close to AA. Whatever you do, don't drink.

Anonymous
grief

Yes, I've felt that way. I wasted years trying to make AA fix something that it doesn't fix. Print out what you posted here and take it to your doctor. As the son of a nurse and a friend of several others I know that nurses are good at sending people to the doctor but are the world's worse at going themselves. What do you have to lose except misery?

Anonymous
want to drink

day 3 of sobriety and I feel like drinking

tcdpenn2
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Joined: 2014-01-05
want to drink

When I want to drink I call someone from the program. So I suggest you go to a meeting a.s.a.p., tell people you feel like drinking, get some phone numbers, and use them when you want to drink.

Anonymous
postpone that drink!!

KEEP PUTTING THE DRINK OFF!! DON'T DRINK!! YOU WILL SEE, EVENTUALLY THIS TOO SHALL PASS, AND YOU'LL BE SO GLAD YOU DIDN'T ALLOW THE INSANITY THAT WE ALL KNOW SO WELL IT WILL BRING!! GOOD LUCK!!

Anonymous
postpone that drink!!

KEEP PUTTING THE DRINK OFF!! DON'T DRINK!! YOU WILL SEE, EVENTUALLY THIS TOO SHALL PASS, AND YOU'LL BE SO GLAD YOU DIDN'T ALLOW THE INSANITY THAT WE ALL KNOW SO WELL IT WILL BRING!! GOOD LUCK!!

Anonymous
wanting to drink

The first days were the hardest for me too. I used a drink for everything - to feel better, to feel worse, to not feel. It became so central to my daily life that when I stopped, I really didn't know what to do. The suggestion I had heard at the first meeting was the one I held on to - just don't drink and get to a meeting. I was also told that the urge to drink would diminish, and that if I did not drink my life would get better. That was the hope I needed. Hang in there.

Anonymous
having a urge to drink

trying to stay sober having a strong urge to drink.at the moment thiers some drinking going on at my home,day 3 of my sobriety

Anonymous
urge to drink - others around drinking

I had to avoid people who were drinking a lot early on -- and still do, for that matter. The temptation was just too great, as was the opportunity for me to rationalize that since "they can drink, so can I." Some of "those people" were themselves alcoholics who needed help like I did, the others were those strange folks that could drink one night, and then not drink for weeks at a time after that without even thinking about it. For me it was best to stay away or get away from situations in which folks were going to be drinking. Today I can handle it, though I prefer not to have to.

Anonymous
Others around drinking

I too had to let go of all my friends not easy but extremely helpful to not see others drink. Lately avoiding tv thus avoiding "alcoholic beverage" commercials instead been reading the big book, grapevine magazines and any book relating to AA experience, strength and hope including the bible! Best wishes to all and happy 24 hrs!!!

Anonymous
Others around drinking

I too had to let go of all my friends not easy but extremely helpful to not see others drink. Lately avoiding tv thus avoiding "alcoholic beverage" commercials instead been reading the big book, grapevine magazines and any book relating to AA experience, strength and hope including the bible! Best wishes to all and happy 24 hrs!!!

jodee
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Joined: 2012-01-26
Annonimity

I attended a meeting for an anniversary celebration. When the celebrant received their coin a camera was taken out and a picture snapped of this person receiving their coin. I do not believe this was right to do so as it broke several peoples anonymity. I don't believe anyone else noticed as I just happened to look that way as it happened. AA material on the walls so no mistaking where we were.I chose to just let go and let God handle it. This has troubled me quite a bit and with me still. I'm praying for God to take it completely and is the reason I choose to share it here. Seems to take some of the sting . I chose not to say anything, as in asking anyone if they noticed, not wanting to stir up controversy. Any suggestions as to how I should have handled this hot mess? differently?
Thank you all for listening....
Annonymus please

Anonymous
press, radio, film and internet

Our General Service Conference has extended AA’s recommendation on anonymity to include the internet.

Box 4-5-9 Summer 2013

bottom of page 3

Public Information—that the 63rd General Service
Conference affirm that the Internet, social media and all
forms of public communications are implicit in the last
phrase of the Short Form of Tradition Eleven, which
reads: “…at the level of press, radio and films”;

Dictionary
Implicit (adjective)
1.implied, rather than expressly stated: implicit agreement.
2. unquestioning or unreserved; absolute: implicit trust; implicit obedience; implicit confidence.

Some think in terms of anonymity protecting the individual so it is the individual's prerogative to break their own anonymity at whatever level they choose. Protecting the individual is part of it. The rest of it is protecting AA from ego trippers climbing on a pedestal and screaming "HEY LOOK AT ME, I'M IN AA" and being clueless, falling off.

Anonymous
Anonymity

That's an interesting topic in this age of social media. At a minimum it would seem one would need to get the permission of everyone in the pic.

Then, there is the question of how it will be used. If posted to any social media site, even an account restricted to AA friends, you can quickly lose control of how the pic is reused.

I participated on an AA panel that addressed social media and heard from a member whose pic was taken at the wedding of an AA friend. She was horrified when that pic was later posted to a social media site that referred to folks in the picture as AA friends. She had no intention of revealing herself at that level.She would have been fine with the pic if it had omitted any reference to AA.

The basis of the 11th tradition is that our relations with the general public should be characterized by personal anonymity in regards to our membership in AA.

It seems that the use of cameras at AA meetings & functions can open up all kinds of trouble.

Anonymous
RE: Anonymity

I do appreciate and treasure the photos of Bill and
Dr. Bob and the other dozen or more founders. Those
alcoholics and friends have earned a place in our
history. and it is nice to know what they looked like.
Recording devices whether cameras smart phones or tape
recorders have no place in the AA meeting or group function of today.
I was saddened to see photos of my area delegate attending
the General Service Conference. It reeks of big shot ism.
The Tradition ought to read "Humility, expressed by
anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions,
ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
Humility is the spiritual foundation, not anonymity.
If we can develop an understanding of this principle,
maybe AA's effectiveness can be restored. ANONYMOUS

Anonymous
re anonymity

I'm glad that it troubles you, it should. Anonymous is half of our name. Those who don't understand that aren't likely apt to respond to subtleties. Our leadership structure does not designate any particular member an enforcer. Our traditions require each of us to be responsible for AA's well being.

If God comes in and deletes the memory from that camera, let us know. Otherwise I think He made it perfectly clear with that sting you feel that you are his designated agent.

Technically a person could say that the photos only provide a means for a break of anonymity at a public level. For me AA and it's members deserve to have that potential removed. I can easily find audio and video recordings of members, dead and gone, on the internet with advertising banners blazing away like an endorsement form the grave.

Courage in these matters isn't a matter of getting comfortable before confronting a problem it is confronting a problem despite fear and discomfort. The growth that results are amazing, I've been there.

Anonymous
anonymity

I agree that the tradition says "at the level of press, radio, and tv."
Some groups will not allow pictures to be taken of members in their meeting place. I think that is up to group conscience, or the individual person whose picture is being taken.
I remember seeing a photo in the Grapevine of a group in their meeting place. They were all lined up like a posed group...but each person held a paper plate in front of their face.
The only anonymity that I get to protect is mine.

noduis
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Joined: 2013-09-05
Re: Anonymity

Was the photo taken for publication? If not, no anonymity was broken. The Tradition is clear, we maintain our anonymity at the levell of press, radio, film and television.
AA isn't a secret society, although some mambers are so ashamed of their membership they try to make it one.

oscar
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Joined: 2014-01-07
Re: Anonymity

maintain our anonymity at the levell of press, radio, film and television.AA isn't a secret society, although some mambers are so ashamed of their membership they try to make it one.

Not everyone that has a problem with wanting to remain anonymous is ashamed of being a member, however,our fellow members should respect our privacy in such issues as taking souvenir pictures. Who knows where that particular photo will turn up??? Just plain bad taste to do that without giving others in attendance the opportunity to step away.

Anonymous
Re: Re: Anonymity

"Who knows where that particular photo will turn up??"
Good question. Do you? Does jodee? I don't. Why do you automatically assume the person who took the photo is going to publish it?
Just my personal opinion, but I doubt if the photographer is going to show it to anyone who doesn't already know the one who got the medallion and most if not all the rest in the picture.
Jodee and others seem quick to condemn the photographer without knowing if a crime has been committed or is intended.

Anonymous
Re: Anonymity

"quick to condemn the photographer without knowing if a crime has been committed or is intended."

To my knowledge breaking someone's anonymity is not against any law, furthermore I read a situation described, then asked for suggestions on a better way to handle it if the issue should present itself again. I can tell you where that picture will turn up. Anyplace film is developed. I'm proud to see some replies with helpful information instead of ridicule....Guess that person was having a bad day that should have been started over before flying off the handle. Just my opinion of course. I hope the days to come are better for them.
anonymous

Anonymous
sponsorship

The paradox I present to the challenge of quitting my relationship with alcohol, my physical, mental, and spiritual strengths. Along with my sponsors support, and the Reading of my Big Book. If I have the right idea there is no good or bad sponsor just someone I am comfortable with. And if they don't have the answers or offer the guidance strong enough for my maintenance, I get a new one. Is that about it?

lunchbunch
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Joined: 2013-01-08
Sponsorship

Basically, that's about it. One of my sponsors once told me that a baboon would have more perspective on my life and problems than me and that it was important to get out of my head and get some outside perspective on things.

There can be many aspects to this thing we call sponsorship.

When I was ready to work the steps, for example, I looked for a guy who had worked the steps and who used the steps in his daily life. That worked out great for me.

After years in AA, I tended to gravitate more to guys who remained active in AA and had developed full happy lives that included activities, career, marriage, family, community; guys who took the gift of sobriety and ran with it.

Anonymous
re sponsorship

there is a pamphlet for that http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

my personal experience is this- yes there are bad sponsors. If you have not worked the steps, how can you sponsor someone else through the steps? it's like coming back from somewhere you have never gone.

Look around for someone who has had a spiritual experience through working the steps from the big book. if you can't find someone, the book was written to to guide you through the steps. read the book, when it says do this or that, do it. use it as a text book, not a story book. some may say to use the 12x12. read page 17 from the 12x12, the 12x 12 was written to compliment the big book, not replace it.

Anonymous
re sponsorship

Have you read the pamphlet Questions and answers on sponsorship? No need to re-invent the wheel.

Anonymous
sponsorship

Of course there are good and not so good sponsors. "You can't transmit what you haven't got" according to the Big Book. We are alcoholics not saints.
In the beginning it was hard to know what I just didn't want to hear and what was just not fitting. Even when I did want to hear, my thinking and reactions were off.
The other thing is that in our active addiction, we admired other alcohics and addicts. We are still more attracted to and comfortable with sick people while we are first trying to get well. I say we, because I was and have heard others say the same thing.
I really had to pray for the willingness to be teachable by whatever person that HP wanted to guide me. I had to pray to be led to the right person to guide me. When she showed up, I thought I was going to help her.;-D)

johnnys
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Joined: 2013-12-17
12 Steps

does AA have an alternative atheist and AA groups

lunchbunch
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Joined: 2013-01-08
Atheist & Alternative Groups

Well,you could say that every AA group is for atheists and alternatives since AA has no specific deity or required set of beliefs.

That said, there is a group in our town advertised as "Atheists, Agnostics and All Others". You might want to explore the meeting list for your area.

I have not been to our alternative meeting yet but know and respect many of the members. I find that my atheist and agnostic friends think and talk more about god and spiritual matters than anyone else I know.

I struggle with religion and with conventional definitions of "God" but love that I am free in AA to come to my own understanding of a Higher Power. I have found that as long as I am HONEST about my beliefs - OPEN MINDED that I could be wrong - and WILLING to listen to others and explore other options - I am safe & sober in AA.

clu1992
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Joined: 2012-05-30
athiest aa groups

I have heard of some wanting to start athiest groups. My question is why? about half the members of AA at one time were agnostics or athiest, why the need to separate?

The agnostic or athiest question is addressed entirely in step 2. you can read it in the big book, pages 44-57.

Normally I would say if you don't like the AA meetings where you live start your own, I did. however, I have to say it would be hard to have an AA meeting that the members don't work steps 2,3,5,6,7,11,& 12. If alcoholics could stay sober on steps 1,4,8,9,&10 we wouldn't have written all 12.
It might help if you read big book page 34. It talks about the person who can quit on a nonspiritual basis.

Glad you are here!

Anonymous
re 12 steps athiest

There is a chapter in the Big Book that explains it.
"The chapter to the agnostic."

I've never seen an atheist or agnostic turned away.

Most, believing that we were atheist or agnostic, were really angry with somebody's concept of God. It takes some guts to really buck what we were taught, erase the blackboard and ask ourselves "If there is a God that helps drunks, what would he be like.

Most of us are also locked into conditional love. All of our lives we have heard or were clearly made aware of a price for love. "I'll love you if (you stop drinking, bring home a good report card, don't get your girlfriend pregnant...)We try to transfer that faulty concept to God.
I stopped. My Higher Power wants absolutely nothing. He already has everything. He doesn't want my time, my money, my praise, my thanks my spreading the word. Nothing. On his end He gives and thinks its great. Some seventy some years worth of AA's say He does. I have become one of them.
He gives us absolute free will. Not free will "but if you screw up somebody's interpretation of a two thousand riddle, get ready to burn." If there are conditions, it's not free.

Once I got in to it I started seeing conditions I don't like with man's fingerprints on the weapon not God's. Reverse the world's war budgets and research spending over the last few thousand years.

Anonymous
12 step atheist

if you go to aaintergroup.org,there is an atheist group online. It might be good to have their support when you go to meetings full of believers who do not understand your atheism.

Anonymous
Happy Sober New Year

I love this time of the year especially when it comes to a new year. I used to view it as something distasteful, because I thought everyone's out drinking. Well today I see it as look at what I accomplished in the past year, like the friends I gained, how I was selfless, how I helped others, I even took part with someone else on starting a new group and it's growing. Also with the new year coming, I like making resolutions, and I keep them too. My 2013 resolution was to be more kind, tolerant, and loving towards all, and it was wonderful. I handled a lot of situations that used to baffle me. Possibly this is why I have a better career. I work as a guard and I deal with the public in a way it allows me to be more useful. I love solving problems, and I love taking a mad man and turn them into something that makes them feel better. My New Years revolution I haven't decided yet, but it's going to be fun deciding.

Happy sober new year to everyone and God bless,

Leeanne

wilmalou
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Joined: 2013-02-19
Hating Life

So, here I go. I'm a 51 year old male who has been dealing with the demon for many years. I started drinking at age 15. Went into rehab at 21 stayed sober 8 years drank 2 sober 1 and ever since everyday. I drink 10 beers and recently added about 5 shots of flavored vodka. I am overweight, High Blood Pressure/Cholesterol. I have a great family, successful career and an angry wife. I wake up every morning saying I will not drink today. That fades away as the day goes on. It currently is 2:00 and the urge is slowly coming on for my 5:00 drink. I have tried the AA way several times. I have currently been going to a Christian Church for the last 13 weeks and it helps, but not enough. I know how my personality is and it only allows me to talk to who understands completely. If any one person would be interested in dialoguing with me, I would be grateful.

Anonymous
Hate Life?

Hi, how can you hate life? Life is neutral. I used to say the same thing and realized the truth one day that I hated myself. Life effects everyone pretty much equally. Our parents and close friends die, we lose jobs, bills pile-up and sickness consumes us. Misfortune touches everyone in AA no matter how good one is and there is no place to hide from it. Life seems meaningless but it isn't. I buried my parents and closest friends, lost jobs and am a cancer survival but. Am so grateful to have been sober through it all. Holding my parents hand as they took their last breath was a blessing. We mature in AA. People count on us and we handle social responsibilities with dignity and respect. Go through withdrawal, let the mind heal, and your whole outlook on life will change and that's a promise.

tgn002
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Joined: 2011-05-02
Staying QUIT......

I completely relate to your situation. I am 44 and got sober 3-29-2004. Over the course of the previous 5yrs I was in and out of the program. Mainly because I did not want to admit that I was an alcoholic. I was sure this would be the end of possible fun I may ever have. I was wrong........ It was the beginning of an opportunity to a better Father, Husband, Brother, and Son that I thought I was but only according to my own standards.

AA will not teach you how to quit drinking, rather you will receive spiritual tools as a bi-product of doing the steps with a sponsor and doing the next right thing. When I 1st sobered-up, I have no idea what to do. Everything in my life revolved around drinking. Each morning I would wake @3pm, swearing off liquor for the day, but by late afternoon, something either good or bad had happened during the day and I completely forgot about the night before. Or even after talking myself back into the home would revert back to drinking in no time at all. I could never give up alcohol for Lent, as 40days was too extreme of a timeframe. The only thing I know today, is "That I don't know a thing". And for a control freak that is huge. I attend church, but that is different from AA. That is organized religion and AA is a spiritual program.

I finally got the courage to ask someone to be my sponsor and took it day by day. I went to 90mtgs in 90days and worked on the steps. There were things I was bound to take to my grave. But with a good sponsor, I was able to trust and get to the meat of my problems----"not alcohol". It took me about 8yrs to finally not have to try to please everyone. Someone once told me that is was none of my dang business what other people thought of me. I certainly wasn't thinking of anyone other that myself most of the time, as most people were not thinking of me in their spare time. We all have problems and I realized that I was just not that important of a person that I have to worry about what other people think I'm doing.

By the way I'm in sales and with that follows my over-achiever++++++, and then the next day the sky is falling. I would complete one big sale and then start to worry if I will ever sell anything again. I deal in extremes, and can be over pessimistic regarding life as well.

Mainly that I might lose something I already have(house, cars, ego hurt, etc.), or not get something that I think I deserve........... I am very successful based on my physical accomplishments, but always in fear that the bogeyman is right around the corner to take everything away. To date, none of this has come to fruition. Imagine That........ I guess excessively worrying about things and outcomes are still one of my biggest character defects. Even I need to slow down and smell the roses.

Initially, I thought my life as an alcoholic, doomed to meetings for the rest of my life, has actually turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me!!!!!! But, it did not seem that anything positive could possibly come out of this mess I was in. AA has taught me a new way of life. I actually think of other people before myself today. It is the greatest feeling to be able to help someone and not expect anything in return.........

Good Luck!!! I wish you the best. Please get a sponsor and USE THEM!
Tim in Kansas

Anonymous
Re: Hating Life

My strong recommendation is for you to find a meeting. No it's not easy giving up my solution (alcohol), but when alcohol has stolen all my joy, I become ready to try something different. I have to get a sponsor; I have to USE that sponsor to guide me through the steps. It's those steps that are THE solution and entryway into a new life. But the price of admission for me has been willingness to let go of my old ways and ideas and a willingness to be open to letting in new ideas, especially given to me in the form of guidance by someone who had what I wanted (ie sobriety, peace of mind, joy). Good luck. I hope you find your way to get a life beyond your wildest dreams.

Anonymous
Re: Hating Life

My strong recommendation is for you to find a meeting. No it's not easy giving up my solution (alcohol), but when alcohol has stolen all my joy, I become ready to try something different. I have to get a sponsor; I have to USE that sponsor to guide me through the steps. It's those steps that are THE solution and entryway into a new life. But the price of admission for me has been willingness to let go of my old ways and ideas and a willingness to be open to letting in new ideas, especially given to me in the form of guidance by someone who had what I wanted (ie sobriety, peace of mind, joy). Good luck. I hope you find your way to get a life beyond your wildest dreams.

Anonymous
Loving Life

I was in such a condition 2 years ago. The only thing I did is to set my alcohol problem as the center, the root, the main focus of my life. Since I couldn't live like that any more, nothing mattered more than my recovery :
1) I spent ALL my free time in meetings, meetings and meetings for more than one year ... when I wasn't working nor with my kids I was on meeting. Sometimes I even took my kids there. Some says to go 90 meetings in 90 days. I did much more than that : 3 meetings a day for one year. Since I finished my daily work, the question of not going to a meeting was not an option.
2) The purpose of attenting a meeting is LESS about learning something and/or Understand about myself and the disease than FEELING much better. I can't explain why, but even when I was sick, obsessed, dry drunk, tired, I always felt rested when I was on a meeting.
3)Then day after day after day, the great troubles, the insecurity, the crazy obsessions I had got lighter, softer and sometimes vanished. I met very nice people, wasn't alone anymore and ... worked the steps.
Today I'm fine. Happy, joyous and free. One day at a time.
After one year of sobriety I got also involved in my home church. It happened to me to do more for the congregation then AA. After 3 weeks I felt that something was missing. I wasn't cured from alcoholism. I had to set back the First thing First : AA first than comes the Church. Otherwise the bad, old behaviours and feeling come back.
So Try. Just try to be "connected" some 1é-15 hours a day : live meetings, online meetings, phone calls ... That's the way I did it. And it worked.
Don't worry. Keep simple. Take it easy.
Kindly.
Hak.

lunchbunch
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Joined: 2013-01-08
Hating Life

Thanks for sharing your situation. You say you tried the AA way but I wonder what that means. For me that means I was guided through the steps by a sponsor who had worked the steps. I practice steps 10-11-12 on a daily basis as a way of life. I have a home group that I attend every week and hold a service position. Over the years other 12th step work has included taking meetings to jails & prison, speaking at treatment centers, helping out at workshops & conferences, working at the District Level...Tomorrow is my home group meeting. I will be there.

I was near death when I arrived at AA and thus threw myself into it to save my life. Today, 27 years later and nearing 60, I have a full and active life that includes a wonderful wife & children, home, career, health... . I try to not forget where it comes from.

Anonymous
re thinking you are hatiing life

If you think attending some AA meetings is the "AA way" then your thinking is broken. Ours was. That's why the AA program is about doing not thinking.

There are a large number who understand completely. They wrote an instruction book of how to recover from this seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. It's called Alcoholics Anonymous.

Your post screams of "we stood at the turning point".
Turning one way you'll get enough medical care to at least know about your condition, you'll have a wife that you may be able to patch things up with, a job, some way to get to church or a job besides thumbing, a clock and a calendar and enough brain cells left to understand them. You just think you are hating life now. Open up a Big Book and read about your future, one way or the other.

Anonymous
hating life

here's a thought...go to a meeting dude...you can't get drunk if you don't drink...it's that simple...i encourage you...no i DARE you to go to a meeting, find a sponsor and actually work the steps...happy 2014

clu1992
Offline
Joined: 2012-05-30
re wilmalou

“We think few, to whom this book will appeal, can stay dry anything like a year. Some will be drunk the day after making their resolutions; most of them within a few weeks.” Big book page 34. Sound familiar? The membership of AA is a mixture of problem drinkers and alcoholics. The problem drinker goes to meetings and still has the power to put the plug in the jug. The real alcoholic will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on self-knowledge and will power. The real alcoholic must work all 12 steps as best he can on a daily basis or else he is sure to drink or commit suicide.
20 years ago I became a member of an AA group that practiced directions for the 12 steps of AA as explained in the big book. 20 years later I am sober, and so are they along with many others who have worked the steps this way.
Wilmalou, my name is corey. I will try to help you in the same manner I was helped. If you are ready to recover for good, follow my suggestions, not because I made them, because they bring results. Get the book “alcoholics anonymous” read the first 164 pages including the Dr’s Opinion. If you are willing to take those actions, you will recover. In 20 years I have yet to see a real alcoholic fail who has mirrored what they do with the program of recovery outlined in the big book. You can talk to me here. I will be glad to help you in any way I can if you mean business.

Anonymous
Relapsed after a year

I was sober for nearly 13 months and relapsed, and it has been an ongoing thing for the past 6 months. I find it harder to stop now than ever before. I got heavily drunk a couple of nights ago, and it has been one of the worst experiences through this relapse yet. I have been going back to meetings since then. I've discovered that alcohol can not be a part of my life. Not only was I drinking to complete oblivion these past several months, but I also noticed that I was becoming a very "mean drunk." I would do things that I always regretted but still would do it again. I have been sober now for 3 days and now just have to pick up the pieces of my life again, and start anew.

Anonymous
Been there

Hey,

Yeah - relapse is awful...getting back into the rooms of AA is what you need - and it sounds like you are doing just that. Congratulations! Not many people keep going to meetings while they are in relapse mode...but you have taken a huge leap.

Your post was on the 29th - so if you are not sober today - don't worry. Just keep coming back into the rooms of AA.

And never forget - NO ONE can take away those 13 months of sobriety from you...or these past 3 days. Just an hour is a miracle for people like us. So be gentle with yourself.

I wish you much luck. TRUST me - it only gets worse from here on in. You probably already know that - but being a "mean drunk" is just the start of your downfall. It gets SO MUCH WORSE the longer you are out there.

There is a solution - as you know, and it is in the first 164 pages of the Big Book. Getting a sponsor, working the steps, meetings, service. Period. GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

Again - you are doing great! Keep up the good work - and fight the demon with every core of your being. That means surrender. If you are not ready - AA will wait for you...but your body/brain may not make it...and that is a reality - so please just keep walking into those rooms, and the best thing you can do for yourself - act like you DONT KNOW everything already. Our Ego tends to take control - and we think we know how we should be getting sober. It's ok - to sit back and listen. EVEN if you DO KNOW, and your sick of the cliches, and the same people talking, and the coffee - pretend like you are brand new, and try to look at it from that perspective.

There are so many people who want to help you. Let them help you. Raise your hand as a newcomer, and allow people to help you. ASK for help in the meetings. It is our responsibility to reach out our hand and help you. And you are worth helping, no matter what you have done in the past - it is the past.

Rest easy - and know there are people that love you, unbelievably enough, because they understand you - and they understand that right now, you can't love yourself. But you don't have to take a drink today.

Keep coming back.

A (my name actually starts with an A!!)

Anonymous
RE: Relapsed after a year.

Thanks for the reminder. My last drunk was just like
that. Sometimes I forget about how retched it was and
how bad it could get again. And worse: if that is at
all possible. And it does get worse, if we continue
to drink. You know that by now. I trust that you are
still breathing and above the sod.
Anyone who knows me today would likely describe me
as gentle, generous and kind. Toward the end of my drinking
I became a "mean drunk". Some are blessed with blackouts,
but I seldom blacked out and would remember my drunk
actions.
The rehabs are full this time of year. You probably
can't afford the expensive resorts. But you have to
get away from liquor, or put your affairs in order.
At this point you have six days. Don't let New Years
interrupt that sobriety date. ANONYMOUS

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