Burning Desire to Share

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Anonymous
Happy Sober New Year

I love this time of the year especially when it comes to a new year. I used to view it as something distasteful, because I thought everyone's out drinking. Well today I see it as look at what I accomplished in the past year, like the friends I gained, how I was selfless, how I helped others, I even took part with someone else on starting a new group and it's growing. Also with the new year coming, I like making resolutions, and I keep them too. My 2013 resolution was to be more kind, tolerant, and loving towards all, and it was wonderful. I handled a lot of situations that used to baffle me. Possibly this is why I have a better career. I work as a guard and I deal with the public in a way it allows me to be more useful. I love solving problems, and I love taking a mad man and turn them into something that makes them feel better. My New Years revolution I haven't decided yet, but it's going to be fun deciding.

Happy sober new year to everyone and God bless,

Leeanne

wilmalou
Offline
Joined: 2013-02-19
Hating Life

So, here I go. I'm a 51 year old male who has been dealing with the demon for many years. I started drinking at age 15. Went into rehab at 21 stayed sober 8 years drank 2 sober 1 and ever since everyday. I drink 10 beers and recently added about 5 shots of flavored vodka. I am overweight, High Blood Pressure/Cholesterol. I have a great family, successful career and an angry wife. I wake up every morning saying I will not drink today. That fades away as the day goes on. It currently is 2:00 and the urge is slowly coming on for my 5:00 drink. I have tried the AA way several times. I have currently been going to a Christian Church for the last 13 weeks and it helps, but not enough. I know how my personality is and it only allows me to talk to who understands completely. If any one person would be interested in dialoguing with me, I would be grateful.

Anonymous
Hate Life?

Hi, how can you hate life? Life is neutral. I used to say the same thing and realized the truth one day that I hated myself. Life effects everyone pretty much equally. Our parents and close friends die, we lose jobs, bills pile-up and sickness consumes us. Misfortune touches everyone in AA no matter how good one is and there is no place to hide from it. Life seems meaningless but it isn't. I buried my parents and closest friends, lost jobs and am a cancer survival but. Am so grateful to have been sober through it all. Holding my parents hand as they took their last breath was a blessing. We mature in AA. People count on us and we handle social responsibilities with dignity and respect. Go through withdrawal, let the mind heal, and your whole outlook on life will change and that's a promise.

tgn002
Offline
Joined: 2011-05-02
Staying QUIT......

I completely relate to your situation. I am 44 and got sober 3-29-2004. Over the course of the previous 5yrs I was in and out of the program. Mainly because I did not want to admit that I was an alcoholic. I was sure this would be the end of possible fun I may ever have. I was wrong........ It was the beginning of an opportunity to a better Father, Husband, Brother, and Son that I thought I was but only according to my own standards.

AA will not teach you how to quit drinking, rather you will receive spiritual tools as a bi-product of doing the steps with a sponsor and doing the next right thing. When I 1st sobered-up, I have no idea what to do. Everything in my life revolved around drinking. Each morning I would wake @3pm, swearing off liquor for the day, but by late afternoon, something either good or bad had happened during the day and I completely forgot about the night before. Or even after talking myself back into the home would revert back to drinking in no time at all. I could never give up alcohol for Lent, as 40days was too extreme of a timeframe. The only thing I know today, is "That I don't know a thing". And for a control freak that is huge. I attend church, but that is different from AA. That is organized religion and AA is a spiritual program.

I finally got the courage to ask someone to be my sponsor and took it day by day. I went to 90mtgs in 90days and worked on the steps. There were things I was bound to take to my grave. But with a good sponsor, I was able to trust and get to the meat of my problems----"not alcohol". It took me about 8yrs to finally not have to try to please everyone. Someone once told me that is was none of my dang business what other people thought of me. I certainly wasn't thinking of anyone other that myself most of the time, as most people were not thinking of me in their spare time. We all have problems and I realized that I was just not that important of a person that I have to worry about what other people think I'm doing.

By the way I'm in sales and with that follows my over-achiever++++++, and then the next day the sky is falling. I would complete one big sale and then start to worry if I will ever sell anything again. I deal in extremes, and can be over pessimistic regarding life as well.

Mainly that I might lose something I already have(house, cars, ego hurt, etc.), or not get something that I think I deserve........... I am very successful based on my physical accomplishments, but always in fear that the bogeyman is right around the corner to take everything away. To date, none of this has come to fruition. Imagine That........ I guess excessively worrying about things and outcomes are still one of my biggest character defects. Even I need to slow down and smell the roses.

Initially, I thought my life as an alcoholic, doomed to meetings for the rest of my life, has actually turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me!!!!!! But, it did not seem that anything positive could possibly come out of this mess I was in. AA has taught me a new way of life. I actually think of other people before myself today. It is the greatest feeling to be able to help someone and not expect anything in return.........

Good Luck!!! I wish you the best. Please get a sponsor and USE THEM!
Tim in Kansas

Anonymous
Re: Hating Life

My strong recommendation is for you to find a meeting. No it's not easy giving up my solution (alcohol), but when alcohol has stolen all my joy, I become ready to try something different. I have to get a sponsor; I have to USE that sponsor to guide me through the steps. It's those steps that are THE solution and entryway into a new life. But the price of admission for me has been willingness to let go of my old ways and ideas and a willingness to be open to letting in new ideas, especially given to me in the form of guidance by someone who had what I wanted (ie sobriety, peace of mind, joy). Good luck. I hope you find your way to get a life beyond your wildest dreams.

Anonymous
Re: Hating Life

My strong recommendation is for you to find a meeting. No it's not easy giving up my solution (alcohol), but when alcohol has stolen all my joy, I become ready to try something different. I have to get a sponsor; I have to USE that sponsor to guide me through the steps. It's those steps that are THE solution and entryway into a new life. But the price of admission for me has been willingness to let go of my old ways and ideas and a willingness to be open to letting in new ideas, especially given to me in the form of guidance by someone who had what I wanted (ie sobriety, peace of mind, joy). Good luck. I hope you find your way to get a life beyond your wildest dreams.

Anonymous
Loving Life

I was in such a condition 2 years ago. The only thing I did is to set my alcohol problem as the center, the root, the main focus of my life. Since I couldn't live like that any more, nothing mattered more than my recovery :
1) I spent ALL my free time in meetings, meetings and meetings for more than one year ... when I wasn't working nor with my kids I was on meeting. Sometimes I even took my kids there. Some says to go 90 meetings in 90 days. I did much more than that : 3 meetings a day for one year. Since I finished my daily work, the question of not going to a meeting was not an option.
2) The purpose of attenting a meeting is LESS about learning something and/or Understand about myself and the disease than FEELING much better. I can't explain why, but even when I was sick, obsessed, dry drunk, tired, I always felt rested when I was on a meeting.
3)Then day after day after day, the great troubles, the insecurity, the crazy obsessions I had got lighter, softer and sometimes vanished. I met very nice people, wasn't alone anymore and ... worked the steps.
Today I'm fine. Happy, joyous and free. One day at a time.
After one year of sobriety I got also involved in my home church. It happened to me to do more for the congregation then AA. After 3 weeks I felt that something was missing. I wasn't cured from alcoholism. I had to set back the First thing First : AA first than comes the Church. Otherwise the bad, old behaviours and feeling come back.
So Try. Just try to be "connected" some 1é-15 hours a day : live meetings, online meetings, phone calls ... That's the way I did it. And it worked.
Don't worry. Keep simple. Take it easy.
Kindly.
Hak.

lunchbunch
Offline
Joined: 2013-01-08
Hating Life

Thanks for sharing your situation. You say you tried the AA way but I wonder what that means. For me that means I was guided through the steps by a sponsor who had worked the steps. I practice steps 10-11-12 on a daily basis as a way of life. I have a home group that I attend every week and hold a service position. Over the years other 12th step work has included taking meetings to jails & prison, speaking at treatment centers, helping out at workshops & conferences, working at the District Level...Tomorrow is my home group meeting. I will be there.

I was near death when I arrived at AA and thus threw myself into it to save my life. Today, 27 years later and nearing 60, I have a full and active life that includes a wonderful wife & children, home, career, health... . I try to not forget where it comes from.

Anonymous
re thinking you are hatiing life

If you think attending some AA meetings is the "AA way" then your thinking is broken. Ours was. That's why the AA program is about doing not thinking.

There are a large number who understand completely. They wrote an instruction book of how to recover from this seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. It's called Alcoholics Anonymous.

Your post screams of "we stood at the turning point".
Turning one way you'll get enough medical care to at least know about your condition, you'll have a wife that you may be able to patch things up with, a job, some way to get to church or a job besides thumbing, a clock and a calendar and enough brain cells left to understand them. You just think you are hating life now. Open up a Big Book and read about your future, one way or the other.

Anonymous
hating life

here's a thought...go to a meeting dude...you can't get drunk if you don't drink...it's that simple...i encourage you...no i DARE you to go to a meeting, find a sponsor and actually work the steps...happy 2014

clu1992
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Joined: 2012-05-30
re wilmalou

“We think few, to whom this book will appeal, can stay dry anything like a year. Some will be drunk the day after making their resolutions; most of them within a few weeks.” Big book page 34. Sound familiar? The membership of AA is a mixture of problem drinkers and alcoholics. The problem drinker goes to meetings and still has the power to put the plug in the jug. The real alcoholic will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on self-knowledge and will power. The real alcoholic must work all 12 steps as best he can on a daily basis or else he is sure to drink or commit suicide.
20 years ago I became a member of an AA group that practiced directions for the 12 steps of AA as explained in the big book. 20 years later I am sober, and so are they along with many others who have worked the steps this way.
Wilmalou, my name is corey. I will try to help you in the same manner I was helped. If you are ready to recover for good, follow my suggestions, not because I made them, because they bring results. Get the book “alcoholics anonymous” read the first 164 pages including the Dr’s Opinion. If you are willing to take those actions, you will recover. In 20 years I have yet to see a real alcoholic fail who has mirrored what they do with the program of recovery outlined in the big book. You can talk to me here. I will be glad to help you in any way I can if you mean business.

Anonymous
Relapsed after a year

I was sober for nearly 13 months and relapsed, and it has been an ongoing thing for the past 6 months. I find it harder to stop now than ever before. I got heavily drunk a couple of nights ago, and it has been one of the worst experiences through this relapse yet. I have been going back to meetings since then. I've discovered that alcohol can not be a part of my life. Not only was I drinking to complete oblivion these past several months, but I also noticed that I was becoming a very "mean drunk." I would do things that I always regretted but still would do it again. I have been sober now for 3 days and now just have to pick up the pieces of my life again, and start anew.

Anonymous
Been there

Hey,

Yeah - relapse is awful...getting back into the rooms of AA is what you need - and it sounds like you are doing just that. Congratulations! Not many people keep going to meetings while they are in relapse mode...but you have taken a huge leap.

Your post was on the 29th - so if you are not sober today - don't worry. Just keep coming back into the rooms of AA.

And never forget - NO ONE can take away those 13 months of sobriety from you...or these past 3 days. Just an hour is a miracle for people like us. So be gentle with yourself.

I wish you much luck. TRUST me - it only gets worse from here on in. You probably already know that - but being a "mean drunk" is just the start of your downfall. It gets SO MUCH WORSE the longer you are out there.

There is a solution - as you know, and it is in the first 164 pages of the Big Book. Getting a sponsor, working the steps, meetings, service. Period. GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

Again - you are doing great! Keep up the good work - and fight the demon with every core of your being. That means surrender. If you are not ready - AA will wait for you...but your body/brain may not make it...and that is a reality - so please just keep walking into those rooms, and the best thing you can do for yourself - act like you DONT KNOW everything already. Our Ego tends to take control - and we think we know how we should be getting sober. It's ok - to sit back and listen. EVEN if you DO KNOW, and your sick of the cliches, and the same people talking, and the coffee - pretend like you are brand new, and try to look at it from that perspective.

There are so many people who want to help you. Let them help you. Raise your hand as a newcomer, and allow people to help you. ASK for help in the meetings. It is our responsibility to reach out our hand and help you. And you are worth helping, no matter what you have done in the past - it is the past.

Rest easy - and know there are people that love you, unbelievably enough, because they understand you - and they understand that right now, you can't love yourself. But you don't have to take a drink today.

Keep coming back.

A (my name actually starts with an A!!)

Anonymous
RE: Relapsed after a year.

Thanks for the reminder. My last drunk was just like
that. Sometimes I forget about how retched it was and
how bad it could get again. And worse: if that is at
all possible. And it does get worse, if we continue
to drink. You know that by now. I trust that you are
still breathing and above the sod.
Anyone who knows me today would likely describe me
as gentle, generous and kind. Toward the end of my drinking
I became a "mean drunk". Some are blessed with blackouts,
but I seldom blacked out and would remember my drunk
actions.
The rehabs are full this time of year. You probably
can't afford the expensive resorts. But you have to
get away from liquor, or put your affairs in order.
At this point you have six days. Don't let New Years
interrupt that sobriety date. ANONYMOUS

Anonymous
re relapse

It has been my experience over the decades in AA that it is the steps we take, not the meetings we make that keep us sober. 80% of the population has no issues with alcohol. Of the remainder, 10% are problem drinkers and 10% are alcoholic. AA Meetings are a mix of the problem drinkers and alcoholics. From what I have seen, the problem drinkers can “not drink and go to meetings”. Sometimes they need treatment or hospitalization to get started, but then have no trouble giving up alcohol for good. For the 1st year I was in AA, I tried to take the program “cafeteria style” like the problem drinkers do. The take what you want and leave the rest approach almost killed me. I had no idea that what worked for the problem drinker cannot work for an alcoholic.
Self knowledge alone won’t fix an alcoholic, but I had to learn I had a mental obsession with alcohol and a physical allergy. That at times I would have no effective mental defense against the first drink. That during those times I would not think of the consequences of taking a drink and that at those times my defense must come from a higher power. When I had fully conceded to my innermost self that I am an alcoholic, I had then completed step one. After my surrender, the willingness to take the remaining steps as outlined in big book came and I did it. I have been immune to drinking and will continue to be as long as I apply the 12 steps in my daily life on a daily basis. In the decades I have been in AA, I have yet to see an alcoholic fail who is practicing the steps as described in the big book. If we can be happy and sober, you can too!

Anonymous
re relapse

Thank you. My experience with "that it is the steps we take, not the meetings we make that keep us sober" haw bee the same as yours. Thanks for explain it so well.

Anonymous
Started sharing again after left the steps

I had a terrible time when I left the steps to go and drink once again. A relapse again. I took the time to relearn what the steps had been trying to to tell me. I know what they have been attempting to teach me. That whatever they have been trying to show me, I can get by having a firm grip on the steps.

Once listening again, I can have a firm grip on the reality they teach me. I can remember everything they are trying to teach me.

Now I can turn towards what the steps were aiming at. The better me!

Hoping for your best,
Barbara

Anonymous
Relapse

Right noe I'm ready to throw it in,it sometimes feels boring, like I do nothing, been sober 6months now! getting an itch. I need to stop alienated myself.when I do it I no a couple won't be enough, ill maybe try ill get back to ya see what happaenss

Anonymous
RE: Relapse

One is too many and a thousand will never be enough. There is
never going to be "enough". Our only hope is to stay
away from that first one. It was not possible for me to
stay away from the first drink. As long as the desire
remained, I could not resist taking that first drink. For
an alcoholic to stop after that "first couple" has proven
to be impossible, without outside forces: being locked
up. It seems that "we" are not helping you. We cannot
help you. We try to convince you that we can help you. Maybe we think we can. But no human power can. Help
must come from an outside source. I found that Source
to be God. You can start by using the Group Of Sober
Drunks you find at most AA meetings. Keep it simple
as long as you need to. I believe you will eventually
a Power much stronger than the Group. That is your own
personal choice. God will relieve that itch. ANONYMOUS

Anonymous
I can absolutely identify

I can absolutely identify with that. Going through the same thing. Sober for 15 months and yes my life is boring. I guess what keeps me from not going out is thinking of all the CONSEQUENCES. It never made things better, always worse. Physically, mentally, blackouts, guilt, shame, remorse, anxiety, depression , to mention a few definites that go with the 1-2 hours of escape. Its just not worth it. Try to be grateful for the good, simple things in life. I am and its better than not being able to pay my bills, not having a relationship with my daughter, not remembering what the f i did, just hurting. HANG IN THERE. Its worth it. Actually looking to get out of here to a mtg. to get out of my head. Good Luck and HAPPY NEW YEAR! Only we can make it a good one.

Anonymous
Re Relapse

Obviously your not working the program, try working with a sponsor on your steps, do service work, volunteer. Being lazy is no excuse. If things are boring go see someone in the hospital dying, they may not see another day. How boring it would be to lay in bed in pain, suffering, waiting to die or waiting for a miracle. You can give something to someone who doesn't have much. Like happiness, friendship, someone to talk to, or even helping someone else get through the day. We all don't know when our time will come, so I cherish each day like it may be my last.

Anonymous

Anonymous
Good for You!

And sound advice!

However - It sounds to me like you are a miserable person in sobriety - potentially more miserable than when you were drunk?

People need encouragement and help to stop drinking - you are just offering sadness, anger and bad advice.

Check yourself. Remember where you were first seeking help - and God help you - because with your attitude - you'll be out there before the rest of us...

Happy New Year!

Anonymous
Re Relapse

Obviously your not working the program, try working with a sponsor on your steps, do service work, volunteer. Being lazy is no excuse. If things are boring go see someone in the hospital dying, they may not see another day. How boring it would be to lay in bed in pain, suffering, waiting to die or waiting for a miracle. You can give something to someone who doesn't have much. Like happiness, friendship, someone to talk to, or even helping someone else get through the day. We all don't know when our time will come, so I cherish each day like it may be my last.

Anonymous

Anonymous
re boring

It’s getting boring because you are boring! If you are bored in AA, it just means you are doing it wrong. Work the 12 steps out of the big book with a sponsor who has had a spiritual experience from working the steps. Then your job is to be of maximum service. You will never be bored again. As you take newcomers through the steps and watch them grow and take others through the steps, your life will take on a new meaning.
Good luck to you and remember when you don’t know what to do, the founders of AA wrote it all down in the big book for you and I.

Anonymous
Keeping It Simple

Barbara, so glad you keep coming back and I pray that you will stay for awhile. A simple program for complicated people and aside from the "four Absolutes" our program is meant to be suggestive only...Sponsorship at least for me / tough love many times has kept me coming back and I hope you will too. A loving and patient God waited for me and I am so glad I'm still alive to smile and say "hello'. Good luck Barbara

Anonymous
I am so grateful to read

I am so grateful to read about others who have relapsed. Please, someone, anyone help me: I was hospitalizd for an attempt of a suicide after 30 years of sobriety. I am Finnish and finnished as far as I know. How to continue in AA? There is not big amount of friends here and I feel I let
everyone down. Than you all that you are rhere.

Seija

Anonymous
Re I am so greatful

If your going to commit suicide, what made you fail? Your alive for a reason. What doesn't kill you makes you either stronger or it will destroy you. Don't use the poor me either because this leads to depression which leads to drink. This in all means you don't have a active program, you lack step work, you don't trust in your higher power, and you don't know who you are. So..... Do the steps with a sponsor, do service work, and turn your life to your higher power. I hope you get a spiritual awakening

Anonymous

jefft1962
Offline
Joined: 2013-11-25
Grateful

What I really appreciate about AA is that we are always welcomed back. We all get it: we are real alcoholics. We practically knock each other over trying to greet and exchange phone numbers with those that return or walk in for the first time. We all know that sobriety is a gift and there are no guarantees. You are loved and needed in the rooms of AA.

There are many groups in my area and I was fortunate to find a good one right away. But there are times when I think that my group is not that great, but then I am proven wrong, so what I think is not always true. So I have learned to be open minded and patient lest I lead myself astray.

Anonymous
re Seija

Seija,
Sorry to hear of your trouble and wish you a speedy recovery in the new year.

There is no longevity contest going on as far as I know. You spent thirty years not drinking, not driving drunk, ruining your health, being a liability to your family and everyone else around you. Learning a lot about staying sober. Alcoholism can’t take those thirty years away from you. Too much time is spent marking time instead of making time count. This isn’t a prison sentence marking x’s on the wall.

I have had several friends in your shoes that came back sadder but wiser. I just chose one to talk to about a problem I was having. It made no difference that he had made a mistake recently. He had lots of years of AA knowledge and had good information that I needed.

Here in the States there is a common phrase regarding a shortened prison sentence "Time off for good behavior". I heard an old AA member turn that saying around and said that he had twenty five years of sobriety with a few days off for bad behavior. It was honest and a good description of his experience.

Early in sobriety my first sponsor got drunk. Of course I was really angry but it taught me something. Get my information straight from the source, AA literature, don't use a human for a higher power and alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I think that is why "We" is the first word of the steps.

Janisl
Offline
Joined: 2013-11-30
Very thoughtful, thanks

Very thoughtful, thanks

Anonymous
Hello I'm so grateful for the

Hello I'm so grateful for the aa program it has saved my life

Anonymous
A non ah "must" "mouse" "house"

Another mouse in my house has shared their gratitude and I'd like to welcome you with my gratitude for you. As you may see from the subject line I have a little fun playing with tHe alphabet now that my sometimes distorted abstact visual way of thinking is clearer. I am somewhat isolated and need to maintain focus on pleasant thoughts so thank you for helping me to remain grateful just for today. Sobriety did not promise me, or guarentee me anything...but sometimes "painstakingly" I have managed to make better decisions because of a "loving God who understands me" some tough sponsorship, 4 absolutes, 12/12 steps/traditions and a Serenity Prayer its entirety. Welcome and I pray for your continued efforts in obtaining and maintaining your new way of life. Pass it on and Keep Smiling

Respectfully, Tonya

Anonymous
Tis the season for giving

I wish a Merry Christmas to all people especially alcoholics new and old. I remember how Christmas was difficult, but as I worked my program with the help of the group, higher, power, and sponsor I learned to make Christmas as I understand it. I changed how I viewed Christmas. I replaced my selfish thoughts into giving and spreading joy in many ways. I not only helped those in the rooms, but with charities around my neighbourhood, got into a choir at my local church, went visited those who were in the hospital sick, I spent time with my family having dinner, of course I gave gifts too to people for Christmas. You know what else? I did it all sober, selfless, and the reward I got was happiness, joy, and peace. It says if we want to keep what we have, we must turn to those who need our help, whether it being in the program or outside. Come on people spread the joy, happiness, and love, and you will receive the same gift in return. There is no time to drink or think about it, because my thought is on what I can do for someone else. If you suffer then go make someone else happy, if you crave a drink go carolling house to house with some AA friends, if you are lonely go visit someone who is in the hospital sick on Christmas, and if you are still finding Christmas hard, may your higher power save you.

God bless and Merry Christmas,

Anonymous

Anonymous
Sharing the message

Thanks for caring. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for passing the message along...happy, joyous, and free on the road to happy destiny. May God bless you and keep you until then. Not necessarily always humble and grateful but definately not drunk or high.

Anonymous
The holidays, hell

The holiday issue of The Grapevine brings to mind my favorite definition of hell: Hell is sitting on the cold basement floor at midnight on Christmas Eve, a glass of whiskey beside me, trying to put toys together for the children.

lunchbunch
Offline
Joined: 2013-01-08
Holiday Hell

My last holidays drinking happened over 25 years ago and yet I remember as if it happened yesterday. My life was so bad, so out of control, so far from the true spirit of the holidays that I can never forget and never want to forget the horror of active alcoholism. Today, I am filled with gratitude for AA and my sober life.

Anonymous
I have God. I have nothing.

I have God. I have nothing.

Anonymous
God Time

Remember. Ask for what you need and accept what you get. No man is an island. Even the lone ranger had Tonto and a horse.

torquess
Offline
Joined: 2013-12-18
Me neither

If you have God you have everything you need, the rest will come, I'm having a tough year too all alone, but I have faith that things will change the longer I stay sober :) Stay strong, it will come, they will come. Call your sponsor, they will help.
God bless, merry Christmas.
Nicki J.

Anonymous
I hate this

I have been a alcoholic from the age of 13. I went and got help... I stopped at he age of 35... life was real I could see the world... I have started drinking again..Im in so much paion now

Anonymous
Please don't die

Hope and pray you make it back.

Anonymous
I hate this

The doors of A.A.never close regardless of what you have done. Stpo the pain go to a meeting. Keep it simple.
T.J. Marathon, N.Y.

torquess
Offline
Joined: 2013-12-18
Hit a meeting

Hi, I hear your pain, hit some meetings, don't fall into that pity party, you've made it before, you can do it again, if you have a sponsor, call, and pray, it will be ok :)
God bless
Nicki J.

Anonymous
To "I hate this"

I hope you can make it to a meeting. I too know where you are at. Just don't drink and go to a meeting tomorrow, and the next day.

Mahesh1104
Offline
Joined: 2013-12-13
I do feel your pain

I do know how you hurt....I was in the same place at the beginning of the year . I was in fact begging God for some form of calamity to make the madness stop. A series of events made me stop. I can share more with you and offer support ....you could email me at my user name above followed by at yahoo dot com. I will pray tonight exclusively for you ....I don't know a thing about God and sometimes wonder if God is dispassionate! But all my life I have asked for help when busted and broken ...but I will try to pray as fervently as I can.
Love and Peace

Anonymous
re anonymous

Everyone has gone through those first few days of sobriety. you have been sober before, and none of this came to mind before you started drinking again. That means your like me. you are powerless over alcohol, and yes, even while sober. we have these strange mental blank spots when it comes to alcohol. My last drink was aug 13,1992. I walked out of my regular home group meeting and pickup up a drink 2 hours later. the terrible consequences never came to mind. I drank alcohol like it was water. I had no mental defence.
Some guys from my home group 12 stepped me. they babysat me until my brain cleared. they took me through the steps in the big book.
Now I try to align how I do the 12 steps with the directions in the big book. I have recoverd from my obsession with alcohol. you can too if you do what I did.

Good luck to you and God bless you!

captdeep6
Offline
Joined: 2012-09-30
Silence in meetings, Not!

My home group has 3 meetings some days and 5 on others. It's entirely possible not to see the same faces at every meeting. We aren't a silent group. You don't have to share but are encouraged to do so. We get our share of new comers and court ordered listeners. One thing that used bother me was what I thought was a lack of politeness by some who would text and play games on their cell phones during the meeting. Some would actually sleep during the meeting and wake up to have their appearance document signed.
These things don't bother me any longer. I had to learn to accept people as they came through the door. Just like they accepted me. I'm not there to make people mind or accept me or the program. I'm not made to go to meetings by the court. I go because I genuinely care to go and have been helped by AA. I've met some very nice people through AA.
My alcoholism progressed for 35 years. I'm still experiencing the consequences. I want to help anyone who has this disease make it in recovery. I still take it one day at a time. Most times I go on autopilot and let God handle my day. I like it when he takes over. I don't take tomorrow to bed with me. Who am I to presume I have a tomorrow? The promises are materializing for me more and more. I'm 1 year 6 months sober. Happy one day at a time.

Anonymous
Silence -not

Sounds like you are on a good track. The only alcoholic I can sober up is this one and I sometimes need to put blinders on to accomplish that. I'm no one's higher power, I don't know if a guy needs the AA message or a nap. Yes, your honor, he was here.

Need a trick to keep from choking someone who doesn't know when to shut up? Start at five hundred and mentally count backwards by sevens. 500-493-486... I guarantee you won't get to zero and won't hear a word they say.

We do what we have to.

Anonymous
First Meeting after 13 years

Tonight Will be my first meeting after 13 years of sobriety then 5 years of daily drinking.. The loneliness at home is almost killing me. I hope all the talk about how going to AA now is lonesome isn't true, cause I can't handle anymore of that.. I have 4 days sober and will be visiting an all woman's group tonight, here's hoping...

Laurie-alcoholic

Anonymous
first meeting after 13 years.

I have been in the program for over 13 years. i relapsed when I had 5 then again when i had 7. i was using a subsatnce for 4 years. I now have 1 year and almost 6 months back. The insnaity of this disease is what was the worst. That is all behind me now. You know how it is in early sobriety. hang in thee and don't pick "no matter What" You can do this
Gos Bless

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