Steps

636 replies [Last post]
Anonymous
re alternative

Great question! I truly don't know what some individuals do for sobriety. From what I have experienced over the years, an alcoholic of my type seems to try every method besides working the steps to solve their drink problem. After I failed repeatedly, alcohol beat me into a state of willingness. With that willingness I admitted compete defeat (step 1). Came to believe that God could solve my problem (step 2). Decided to let him (step 3). Took an honest inventory of my resentments, fears, and sex (step 4). Admitted what I found to God and another human being (step 5). Became willing to have God remove the defects I found in my inventory (step 6). Asked God to remove them (step 7). Looked at my inventory and became willing to make amends for my past wrongs (step 8). Began making those amends wherever I could, unless it would injure someone else (step 9). As I made my amends I continued practicing a daily inventory and practicing daily prayer and meditation (step 10 and 11, big book pages 84-88). Finally after having a spiritual awakening as a result of the first 11 steps, I started carrying the message of how I practice the AA program of recovery to other alcoholics who want it and applying the steps in my daily life.
Simple but not easy. It’s a formula that works for all alcoholics who are willing and honest enough to try. If you are truly an alcoholic and have found a happy sobriety by some other way, by all means continue what you are doing. If you are an alcoholic who as yet has not found a happy sobriety, try AA’s program of action (12 steps). The directions for our suggested program are found in the first 164 pages of our book, “Alcoholics Anonymous. The choice of working AA’s steps are up to each member of AA. As it was put by our cofounder, there are only two authorities in AA. God who is waiting for you to do his will and Alcohol who will kill you if you don’t.
Good luck to you and God bless you,
Corey

Anonymous
Re:alternative ...of my type?

Hi you said, "an alcoholic of my type" What exactly is your type? How many types are there? I thought the definition of alcoholism was quite clear. Are there different types of alcoholics? Are we talking about alcohol abuse or alcohol dependence? A person who is a Binge drinker or Blackout drinker are not types to me. I know there are different economic, mental, emotional, intellectual social types attached to an alcoholic but, I didn't know alcoholics are rated on a type scale. I thought if you cross the invisible line you cross it. It doesn't say how far one crosses it dictates a type which places the person who crosses it in position above or below others. We are all equals in AA is what I have come to understand. Ego likes types.
You also mentioned, "As it was put by our cofounder, there are only two authorities in AA. God who is waiting for you to do his will and Alcohol who will kill you if you don’t." That of course was Bill's opinion. This opinion is not necessary based on fact, because we know its not true today. Members live fruitful, loving and meaningful lives without God's help while at the same time are positive members in home groups around the country. I'm one of them. Been in my home group happily sober for over 30 years. Thanks

Anonymous
re 30 years

doing it wrong for thirty years doesn't make it right. i should know, i did it wrong for 15 years.

clu1992
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Joined: 2012-05-30
re types

Yes there are types of alcoholics. google 5 types of alcoholics.

Anonymous
5 types of alcoholics

But by the grace of God, there go I!

Anonymous
re-types One type different stages

Hi, I read the article you looked at on WebMD. I agree with the person who mentioned there is only one type of alcoholic. The "Invisible Line" analogy is very common in AA. There are stages of alcoholism sure but, types no. To me, what the article was talking about was subtypes of a alcoholic which are different. It doesn't matter what subtype one is; one is still alcoholic. Should we have 5 different AA programs for each subtype? I like the one program for alcoholics who may be at different stages of the disease. If you really want to be technical, no one really knows much about alcoholism for sure. Science is still researching the issue and learning more. Some people believe there is no such thing as alcoholism but, people prone to addiction have a mental illness or brain disorder and one day medication will cure the brain disorder and allow people to drink again. I won't be standing in line at the drug store for that pill anytime soon. Looking for the differences between people instead of the commonalities is not a winning strategy for peace of mind. Do we only offer the hand of AA to the subtype that matches our subtype?

Anonymous
re types/stages/semantics

Types/subtypes, sounds like semantics to me. If we are in AA and talking about alcoholics as AA sees it, there is definitely types of alcoholics. Here is a list types of alcoholics from AA’s textbook “Alcoholics Anonymous”.
Page xxv describes the type of alcoholic that is hopeless. Page xxv also talks of types with whom other methods had failed completely. Page xxix talks of the type that does not respond to the ordinary psychological approach. Big book page xxx lists 5 types of alcoholics. The author of that chapter was a neurologist and had worked with over 40,000 alcoholics, I trust his opinion. Page 34 describes a stage or type of alcoholic that can recover on a nonspiritual basis. Page 44 talks about the atheist and agnostic types. Page 30 talks about alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. 97 is the type that is able and willing to get well. Page 108 describes the type of alcoholic a wife had better leave.
These are the types I found in 5 minutes that actually say “types”. You can believe whatever you want. I have faith in God, AA, and AA conference approved literature.

Corey

Anonymous
re-types

You shared, "I have faith in God, AA, and AA conference approved literature." Does this statement serve AA or your ego? It is important to have humility in recovery. We should not feel a sense of superiority over others or a hold a belief that we are more sober than others because of the way we get sober. We are all equals in AA. "By the book" members relapse too especially when misfortune touches them. Talk is cheap, the real stuff is in our actions.

clu1992
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Joined: 2012-05-30
re humility?

i heard this said once and i believe it to be true, "humility is something you have right up to the moment you think you have it. I'm sorry that my faith in God, AA, and AA liturature disturbs you, get over yourself and move on.

Anonymous
re-types-google

You learn something new every day!

061700
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Joined: 2013-05-23
The alternative

The BB states the program is meant to be suggestive only. In my limited time (13 years) it appears to me those who follow the suggestions are happy, joyous and free from the bondage of self. So I try to follow the suggestions and live the program daily. I live today with out regret of something I did yesterday, most of the time.
Find a person that lives the program and you will find a person that will be honest with you.
Hang in there, it really does get a lot better everyday.

Anonymous
‘Alcoholics Anonymous’ or 'God Unanimous’

I came to the rooms of ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’ and unfortunately for me, an atheist, found it to be ‘God Unanimous’!!! I understand the program of AA is spiritually based, but I did not realize the spirituality of AA’ers is for the most part based on a strong belief in God or some Higher Power. Oh well, so much for my ‘peace of mind’ in my meetings. I do have thick skin and am able to handle this most challenging exercise in patience and tolerance.

LoisJean
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Joined: 2013-06-27
God- unanimous

In part, the word 'spiritual' means relating to the soul. In part, the 'soul' is defined as a person's emotional or moral nature. If you are really an atheist you understand these definitions and should have no quarrel with them. When you apply the 12 Steps around these definitions there shouldn't be any problem with a term such as 'higher nature'...used often by atheist members of A.A. AND if any A.A. member at your meetings is having a problem with the idea that you can prove there is no god then it's their problem, isn't it.

Remember, the most important thing is to not pick up that first drink.

Anonymous
re-GU

You said, "Remember, the most important thing is to not pick up that first drink." So true! It's the bottom line. No matter what happens to us throughout our recoveries we must not pick up the first drink one day at a time. Some members like to be spiritual giants in AA, solving the answers to the great cosmic questions or chasing spiritual highs, while others find fulfillment with paying their bills on time and experiencing the joys in the world, For me, waking up next to my wife, chatting about day to day things, seeing my daughter graduate college or just enjoying that first cup of coffee is fulfilling. Why does anyone need anything more than this in sobriety? This is something I don't understand but, I don't need too either.

Anonymous
Re:AA or GU

Technically your post is in the wrong comment section being this is for the STEPS, however that said, I'm glad you have thick skin because it will come in handy. If you live in the states, AA meetings usually reflect the demographics of its areas. Like in the south you can get collard greens at McDonalds or in New Mexico you can get Green Chili on your cheeseburger. Same true in AA. In the cities or progressive states you can find agnostic and atheist AA groups. Being an atheist won't raise an eyebrow. In the bible belt you may encounter hearing the name Jesus. In an upper middle class suburban AA meeting you might hear therapy talk or quotes from new age gurus. I lived in an area where I was told I didn't belong in AA because I didn't mention god or the steps in my lead at the podium. In another area the plug was pulled on me being I said the word "pot" Love and tolerance are our code but, some people can't see the forest sitting in the middle of the trees.

Anonymous
RE: Re: AA or GU

There ought not be special interest groups in Alcoholics
Anonymous. Anyone entering A.A. anywhere would find the
same general format. The meeting would follow a natural course and would become a specialized group, without being
labeled as such.
I remember in the mid seventies when the "young people
in A.A." wanted to separate from the mainstream. And they
did that, violating the first tradition. I feel that if
most of the members are young people the group could be
a young peoples meeting without it being labeled as such.
When asked what is considered "young", I am told "anyone
with more growing to do". So why separate the "young"
from the "not so young"? I feel that some of the "sponsor
types" stay with the young people's groups to maintain
their "status".
If we allow each group to evolve according to the
area or region, fewer alcoholics will be left out. But
groups must obey the second tradition and follow a
true, fully informed group conscience, not just the
wishes of a few.

Anonymous
There's room

Good, I love atheists. They're thinkers. Think you are a thinker? Think about this. Visualize a pie chart. The circle represents all human knowledge. A small slice at the top represents all of it that I know that I know. Clear so far? Beside it is another slice which contains everything that I know that I don’t know. A little tougher but no, it’s not a joke or a word game. I can’t speak Russian for example so that goes in the second slice, OK? Something I know that I don’t know. So what’s the rest of the circle? What I don’t know that I don’t know. No, it’s still not a game. I’m not particularly clever and I got it. An area where I don’t even know what the questions are let alone what the answers are. An area of information that I don’t even know that there are questions, let alone what they are. The amount of information in it is very real and it’s huge. If you haven’t gotten it yet, perhaps it’s easy to see an infant in this picture. His two slices are tiny but they have grown a little by the time he reaches my age. Recovery occurs in the third part of the pie, what I don’t know that I don’t know. It can only be seen looking back into it. That is because recovery occurs experientially. By experiencing. It is a result of doing not by thinking. I had 16 years of education and couldn’t read the 201 word instruction sheet hanging on the wall either. I finally learned and the rewards have been extraordinary.

lunchbunch
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Joined: 2013-01-08
Atheists

I too love atheists & agnostics. They think, talk and argue more about "god" than any other group of people I know. I learn a lot by reading and listening to their posts and conversations.

Anonymous
re: athiests in our group-thank God

I agree with you. Some of the most spiritual people I have met in AA are atheists and agnostics. I think in a way its because they have to fight for their sobriety. Believer's like myself don't have to worry about being attacked and threatened at meetings. We shouldn't treat anyone as a second or third class AA member because they think differently. Its awful the way we treat people who aren't interested in reading the Big Book or don't find it necessary to believe in God to stay sober. I'm sure Bill and Bob are out there somewhere shaking their heads. We had a countdown at our home group the other night. The first five members that stood up were all atheists and agnostics. The first man to stand up had 42 years, followed by 39, 36, 29, and 25 years. I was the first believer to stand up with 24 years. I'm grateful those members are in our group. They really set an open-minded positive tone that everyone picks up on. The majority of members in my group are believers but, its ludicrous to treat any member as inferior.

Anonymous
re: re:athiests in our group-thank God

You said, "...its ludicrous to treat any member as inferior." Thanks man. So true. My sponsor died an atheist sober 37 years. He was the most spiritual man I had ever met. He never once criticized mainstream AA or discouraged me from reading the big book or working the steps. He encouraged me to follow the path that made the most sense to me. Being a Christian it was easy to follow Bill and Bob's path. This is what works with me to this day. I remember when my head would get all scrambled up from time to time he'd asked me what step I was on because he new that was my language in recovery in which I was comfortable with. He was a humanist and believed in love and the power that people have when they follow goodness and truth. I never met a more humble man in my life. He didn't believe in an afterlife but I do and in my afterlife we will meet again. Grateful to those on this site who share even if I see things differently.

Anonymous
atheists

I've checked and tried joining atheist recovery sites online and found exactly the same. It is an absolute desert for information about staying sober.

One problem with them seems to be that there aren't any atheists there. If I absolutely don't believe something I don't tell you "There absolutely couldn't be something" followed immediately by "and if there is it has to be like this.."

Try it. There is absolutely is no way there is human life on Mars and if there is...

After joining AA I changed from trying desperately to disbelieve in God to admitting there was a God and I was really angry with the mess he had made of my life. Then I started getting some feedback and a glimpse of who had made the mess.

SNR (Spiritual, Not Religious)

Anonymous
RE Theres room.. I love atheists

Your post demonstrates on the contrary that you do not love atheists and your thinking is very close-minded to anyone who does not get sober like you. We are free to accept AA's path or find our own. The suggested one is not a rule. We must remain open and diverse for the newcomer at all costs. I will never force anything on anyone in the rooms. Appearing rigid, hostile and dogmatic will only remind the newcomer of the very things that most likely drove them to drink in the first place.
A common AA idiom that everyone nods there head to without thinking is "My best thinking got me here" To me, this could mean "If I made a decision to come to AA that is my best thinking" However as it is regularly interpreted "I am stupid" which is false because having the disease of alcoholism has nothing to do with being smart or stupid. It's a brain disorder that requires medical attention.
Why does anyone really care how anyone else is getting sober? The only thing I can get from it is the person who spends more time minding everyone's business has a fragile recovery and is insecure about it. Live and Let Live

Anonymous
there's room

Original poster (of the pie chart) here. So you think I leave atheist unloved? In addition to alcoholism I also have heart disease. What would I tell somebody I loved that found out that they also have this disease? “This is what I did. This was the results I got. If it hurts your little feelings to hear that I gave up supersize the fries and wings, too bad.” I’m not going to tell them just do whatever you think will work and you’ll be fine.

AD010416
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Joined: 2012-01-18
Re: RE Theres room.. I love atheists

"We are free to accept AA's path or find our own."
Absolutely true. However, if one chooses to follow a path other than that suggested by AA, why stay with AA?
Every day people who are unsatisfied with their particular church leave that one and find another. Folks who become dissatisfied with their political party leave it and tie in with another. I know a number of people who changed colleges because they didn't agree with the policies of the one they started out with.
I believe that anyone who stays in AA when he/she is convinced that AA's path is the wrong one is showing definite signs of insanity.

Anonymous
re-theres room wrong path

Hi you shared this, "I believe that anyone who stays in AA when he/she is convinced that AA's path is the wrong one is showing definite signs of insanity." That's an unfortunate and harsh position to take because you are assuming people who do not accept the suggested path are against the path. This is not true. There's a lot more flexibility and open-mindedness then you think in the rooms. Try a little love and see where it takes you because that power will definitely change your life. Whether one works the suggested path or not if they love they can do no wrong in my book.

Anonymous
re - re-theres room ...I love atheists

You said, "However, if one chooses to follow a path other than that suggested by AA, why stay with AA?" And I would ask you with that line of thinking, "Why do people who believe in God in AA just go to church?" That should answer your question. If it doesn't let me spell it out for you FELLOWSHIP. Read the Preamble and you will understand AA better. Each member shares what helps them. Not all members share the same experiences in recovery. Not every bit of AA wisdom was discovered in 1935. The founders would agreed with me on that. Where is it written in AA that if someone does not work the suggested path they should be kicked out? No where.

aaplus
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Joined: 2012-04-23
Fellowship

This is what you wrote about the FELLOWSHIP of AA:

"Each member shares what helps them. Not all members share the same experiences in recovery. Not every bit of AA wisdom was discovered in 1935. The founders would agreed with me on that. Where is it written in AA that if someone does not work the suggested path they should be kicked out? No where."

Indeed everything you wrote is correct. Every bit of AA wisdom was discovered BEFORE 1935. Nothing, absolutely nothing was added after 1935. As Bill W. wrote (see Appendix II of the Big Book Fourth Edition, 2001) his inspiration was from the book by William James published in 1902: The Varieties of Religious Experiences. As also clearly stated by Bill W. in his article of July 1953, Volume 10, No. 2. of the Grapevine, "12 Steps in 30 Minutes".

Bill W. followed excatly the format presented by William James for the alcoholic recovery experiences, religious or not so religious stories, in the first edition of the Big Book. But where did William James get his ideas about drunkards helping other drunkards by relating their experiences, religious or not, of how they stopped drinking?. As he stated in his book, William James obtained them from an article by James H. Leuba published in the Journal of Psychology, Volume 7, No. 2, 1896, containing one story after another of recovery from drinking. Yes, 1896.

There is nothing more to the AA Fellowship than it takes one alcoholic to help another and that by helping another it helps the alcoholic remain sober. This is what Bill W. did. He never followed the 12 steps. NEVER. A sponsor? He NEVER had one. The word SPONSOR is not even in the first 164 pages of the Big Book.

So, with membership meetings (and also now online meetings) AA is providing a venue for alcoholics to come and share, with the hope that such will bring beneficial results, as such hope was already described in 1896, and maybe even prior to this.

AD010416
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Joined: 2012-01-18
To both 'Anonymouses'

Alcoholics Anonymous is known universally as a "Twelve Step Program." I have never heard anyone refer to it as a "Meeting Every Day Program."
One off you asked why those in AA who believe in God go to church? I ask you why those of you who want only fellowship come only to AA? For the cheap coffee? You can find fellowship in any church, organization, or bar. Go to any fast food restaurant in the morning and see if there isn't at least one table full of folks who meet there every morning for breakfast and fellowship. Fellowship can be found at any group therapy session. There is even a form of fellowship in mental hospitals.
I'm sure a newcomer feels welcome when you give him a hug and say, "I love you, Brother, don't drink and keep coming back."
But that won't solve the problem of someone who suffers from the mental obsession which compels him to drink and the physical allergy which forces him to keep on drinking. If he could 'just don't drink' he wouldn't need AA in the first place.
Another seems to know what the founders though. I suggest you read pages 274 and 275 in "Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers" to see what at least one of our founders actually thought about those who wanted sobriety but didn't want to work for it.
I agree, the Preamble says AA is a fellowship. It also says we share our experience, strength and hope. If the only strength someone has to share is his strong will power it won't do a lot of good to those who tried to quit on will power and failed.

Anonymous
RE; There's Room

"Why does anyone really care how anyone else is getting
sober?"?? I am always interested in success stories. To
me, they are the backbone of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Bill W. wrote in "Three Talks To American Medical
societies": You may ask: How does A.A. work? Bill answers
the question. Bill says that he could not fully explain
how A.A. works. Yet we say at most meetings "this is how
it works: HIW.
Bill wrote that we can only tell you what we do and
what seems to happen to us as the result.
I may have a fragile recovery and be insecure about
it, but I have been SOBER for 43 years.
I understand the pie chart. Thanks to the "thinker"!

Anonymous
RE: There's room

Thanks for a message worth reading more than once.
"It can only be seen looking back into it". I believe this
explains why the word "directions" was changed to "path"
just before the Big Book went to print. The first hundred
members left us a path to follow. There is no one on that
path. God may be there, but we will probably not see Him.
"Recovery occurs experientially". We follow the path
by faith, willingly. The only authority is a member's full
consent, willingly given. We are not ruled by people, but
by principles, by truths, and, as most of us would say,
by God. Refer to page 8 in The Language of the Heart.
Yes, the rewards have been extraordinary. It grieves
me that our fellowship is so near death. A.A. was by
far the greatest gift I have every known: so much more
than I ever expected or deserved. ANONYMOUS

Anonymous
Fourth step and the law

My soon to be ex-wife got a hold of my fourth step behind my back and made copies for her lawyers and family.
Now I'm finished. Can she use this in a court of law against me? I really got honest and there is stuff in there that will create all kinds of legal problems. Feeling like a chump.

Anonymous
re chump

Same thing happened to me 20+ years ago. I left my 4 the step on the coffee table and my wife read it. She wasn't pleased with my sex inventory. I complained to my sponsor that for the 1st time it "really " wasn't my fault. After further discussion, it was my fault. Who wouldn't Be tempted to read someone 's inventory?
I learned to keep my inventories in a safe place and yes, I continue taking a "written " inventory and am still happily married to my first wife.

Anonymous
Re 4th step and the law

Instead of looking at it in a negative light, look at it as a way of making amends. This may be your chance to deal with the past. However don't forget to use your higher power, your sponsor, and maybe a lawyer. You will continue to live only for today.
I know if some people knew what I did in my past I would destroy a whole family, and probably go to prison for a long time. Only my higher power and my sponsor knows. If it came that the people found out what I did, Iwould have to accept what is going to happen to me, and deal with the consequences of my actions. I know I'm not perfect and truly I ask if anyone has not sinned to cast the first stone.(not trying to be religious)

Anonymous

Anonymous
re- 4th step in the law

Yikes man it doesn't look good for you. We have to face the consequences of our reckless drinking and it looks like you will face them sooner than you wanted to. Drinking won't solve anything. I was told never to write a fourth step down on paper or on leave one on my computer. Mine was in the form of one drunk talking to another. Good luck.

Anonymous
Fourth

Legal problems? Do you want information from a professional who is knowledgeable about your case and divorce law in your state or us.

The only qualification we need to have is that we are nuts.

But since you reached out:
Most of us sweat the same kind of stuff needlessly. I've been through it. Almost no-one can afford to go to court so it is unlikely the information will be put on display there.

Standards of misbehavior have changed since Henry the eighth got his last divorce. Judges see/hear it all every week so bizarre behavior like daytime TV doesn't even get their attention. They just want to get out of there and play golf.

I was told divorce is a business deal, its about money, for the most part there isn't a price tag on misbehavior. Where did the assets come from, how were they shared, for how long? "Bla, bla, bla, he did, she did, 50 -50, bailiff call the next case."

Now that I may have given you some ray of hope, get a lawyer and see if I have a clue what I'm talking about.

Anonymous
re-thanks 4th step legal

Thanks for your thoughtful replies. I must accept the fact that their were consequences because of my reckless past. This week a guy shared at our group that he was sentenced to two years in jail after he was sober a year and a half for things that caught up with him. He seems mature and sensible now and is grateful for getting honest.

Anonymous
Thanks for the help!

Today is my 25th Anniversary... Thanks to HP & AA could not have done it on my own....

Did not think I could get 25 days in a row let alone 9,131...

bftgogtgi Thankful for the complete program off AA R. U. S. all 3 legacies.

Anonymous
relapsing with cerebral palsy

AA needs to work with disabled people like myself. I have cerebral palsy ans don't feel welcome in my home town. step 12 is non existent and judging is the norm. I have relaspse many times but doesn't want to .

Anonymous
re disabilities

Sorry to hear of your troubles. You are not alone. Like many older AA's, I have a hearing disability. Mine is worse than most, some people I can never hear or understand. Others, however, I can hear perfectly if they put forth any effort to be heard. You'd be surprised at the number of people who have a hand over their mouth while sharing. I've asked people point blank to speak up or uncover their mouth. They are incapable of it for more than a few seconds. I'm sure some psychologist has an explanation for it but that doesn't increase the volume any. My observation is that they are simply oblivious to others. I'm the same in some areas and I'm sure that there are other acts of self-centeredness I'm still unaware of. It took years to notice that somebody else might want a refill of coffee while I am up. We lived in the ultimate world of self-centeredness, drunk, for years. At least some of us have been able to pick up the tools and deal with that and other improvement follows.

My recovery started with me looking inward not outward for character defects.

Anonymous
re AA needs

At the end of my first meeting an old salt asked me if I was willing to go to any lengths to get sober and I responded honestly that I didn’t know. He told me loud and clear “Then AA is no @*&!! place for you.” I went back about three months later with the conviction that if that building wasn’t big enough for both of us, he could leave. That was over thirty years ago and I haven't had a drink since that meeting.

My sobriety is not about THEM.
My sobriety is about God and me.

I expect to find the most self-centered, self-absorbed people in the world in AA and I find them. Eagles don't flock but I have found enough of them in AA to show me how it can work.

For thousands of years alcoholics didn't have a chance of recovery as we know it. We have a two hundred and one word instruction sheet that tells us exactly how we can recover. If you don't want to relapse use it.

There are hundreds of AA stories that can be listened to online. Just search for AA talks. There are excellent resources on YouTube and numerous online groups. Much of AA's literature is online and a Grapevine subscription is cheaper than your last drunk.

I don't know where the deal about read the first 164 pages of the big book came from, what are the rest for, toilet paper? I learned about what AA owes me and I owe AA when I read "Ok, go start AA in Detroit," "Go start AA in Chicago", "Go back to Canada and start AA, here are 400 letters asking for help".

Those who want to stay sober pick up the tools and with God's help stay sober, happy, joyous and free. It's up to you. I sincerely hope you join us.

Anonymous
work the steps or not?

I have been an active member of AA since 1992. I was a member prior to 1992, but didn’t find continued happy sobriety until I got a sponor, homegroup, and began working the steps with that sponsor. What I mean by active member is I attend and participate in my homegroup activities and duties, talk to my sponsor on a regular basis, work the steps as best I can, and sponsor or help newcomers when asked.
On average over the last 20 plus years I attend my home group once a week, attend a jail or other meeting, and a detox or other meeting, and speak at other AA meetings or public information workshops when asked. So, usually about 3 meetings a week, sometimes more depending on my schedule. What does this have to do with AA’s 12 steps? Well at last night’s detox meeting there were 6 patients and I knew 3. The three I know attend meetings and don’t work the steps. One was back after a couple months of not drinking and the other two around 7 months. All three seem to really want sobriety but are under the illusion that real alcoholics can stay sober by doing what hard drinkers do to stay sober. I have met a lot of alcoholics over the years and my experience is this- after participating in open, closed, jail, and detox AA meetings over the years I have never met a single alcoholic that has relapsed while practicing AA’s 12 steps. I have seen hundreds over and over that have tried other methods and failed. I am not theorizing, I am simply stating my personal experience. The statement in the big book is true, “rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path”. My experience is “never have I seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path”.
What I suggest to the alcoholics out there who have as yet not found happy sobriety is get a sponsor, homegroup, and start working the steps with that sponsor as described in our book “Alcoholics Anonymous”.
God bless you and keep you until then.

Anonymous
work the steps or not?

"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly
followed our path". If we are trying to help another
alcoholic get sober or stay sober, and that person drinks,
would that not be called a failure? But who has failed?
I would say that the sponsor has failed. I believe that
most "sponsors" place the blame on the "prospect".
We blame the patient because the medicine we offer
him does not work. Maybe you will say, Well, he/she
refuses to take the medicine.
I believe that if we present the medicine in the
way Dr. Silkworth suggested to Bill W. in the spring
of 1935, most patients will take the medicine and we,
along with the patient, will rarely fail.
Note: I have never seen an alcoholic fail who has
followed this suggestion. "don't drink alcohol, and go to
alcoholics anonymous meetings". If we don't drink and
continue to go to meetings, how can we fail? ANONYMOUS

Anonymous
work or play

A definition of alcoholism is the inability to control drinking after consuming a small amount and the inability to stay away from that first drink. "Alcoholics Anonymous" is filled with examples of exactly that. In other words untreated alcoholics don't have the capacity to not drink. Sitting in meetings watching others recover works about like sitting by the pool watching others taking swimming lessons.

lunchbunch
Offline
Joined: 2013-01-08
work the steps

I heard or read somewhere that those who contributed to writing the BB wanted to include the line "NEVER have we seen a person fail...." but thought that statement might be a bit too boastful or unbelievable so they dialed it back a bit.

My experience over the years tracks with yours. I would feel comfortable using the word Never. Of course, the bar is high. How many who come to AA are willing to "thoroughly follow our path" and do the things called for on that path? It is a wonderful and miraculous thing to behold when it happens.

Anonymous
"Never" and the steps

Not sure who first came up with the notion that Bill W contemplated using the word "never" to begin "how it works," but in spite of his tendency to hyperbole, he did not. To borrow from Pope, "whatever works best is best." I NEVER tell someone else how to work the steps or to work the steps. I merely tell them what I have done, what has worked, what has not.

Anonymous
re never

So -- what has worked for u and what has not?

Anonymous
6 and 7 questions and thoughts

Can I skip Steps 6 and 7 because I don't think they work too good? The old-timers in my group are still full of character defects as far as I can see. And from what I read Bill W. had plenty of defects well into his recovery. Why would God remove my defects? If he made me then I must be perfect or does he allow the imperfections to live in me so he can remove them later? If my defects don't go away does that mean God doesn't exist?

Anonymous
Re 6&7 questions and thoughts

No it does not mean God doesn't exist. God is always there with a hand, it is up to us to reach for it. We only need to be willing. besides if you want to skip 6&7 go ahead, you'll just won't be your better or if you will your authentic self. When I did my 6&7 I was free from my selfish bad defects of character. I mean how can you do 8&9 if you have an attitude problem, anger, inferiority complex, being selfish, and all the other stuff that made your life misery? Think about it, it's your life. do you want to live happy or not?

Anonymous
re- 6&7

Hi, don't sweat it. Stay away from the first drink and your dreams will come true. Some personality types like to follow recipes in order to bake cookies but recovery is not a cookie cutter experience. Others have in them a mechanism that drives them to experiment with finding their bliss. I sponsor both types and so far both types are sober. It's often said that the two things that drive people to unhappiness is fear and desire. These characteristics will drive us to rigidity, close-mindedness and hostility, not to mention greed and territorialism. Some unhealthy groups and people are dominated by these characteristics in AA. I think these are the main characteristic's that fuel all addicts minds as well as the average person, however the average person won't wake up in the morning in a blackout in a strange place surrounded by strange people. They will just be the person most likely to be avoided at social gatherings.

Anonymous
re don't sweat it

Your comments sound like someone from a non 12 step program trying to trip up someone in AA. If your sober by using programs like "rational recovery " or group therapy, great. I'm greatfull for your sobriety. Please don't suggest members of AA nit work the steps of AA. The steps of AA are what individuals members of AA try to work as a daily program of recovery. Although none of us are required to practice the program, the progressive. Nature of alcoholism dictates whether one can stay sober without working the program.

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